In Utero

Drew's Turn

Drew worked from home today so he was able to drive me to the clinic and back this morning. He had made his own appointment at another clinic where he would be making his 'deposit' for the purposes of fertility testing. 

Where we live, you have to drop your specimen at 2:30pm on Thursdays. There are no exceptions and the specimen must have been collected within the hour. Once you account for a fifteen minute bike ride, there really is a small window of time to accomplish it. Drew was unsure how to go about it, which is funny because I feel like he's been in training for this moment for most of his life. But okay, so it is awkward to masturbate in a room with your wife in the other room knowing that you're doing it. We discussed the options -- either I help out or he tries alone. He decided to go it solo and that he would call me in if necessary. He felt it would be less awkward if I wasn't there. But he added as he slunk into the tv room,  "don't smirk at me after." Which of course I did automatically as soon as he came out. He already had his shoes on and his bike helmet and he was rushing and it was all quite funny. 

I almost asked him if he remembered his healthcard but then I figured that was a bit mothering or patronizing so I just said, "ride safely." But 47 seconds later, he was knocking at the door-- "I forgot the requisition and my healthcard."

Apparently at the clinic he was greeted by a new person who did not know that on Thursday afternoons at 2:30pm men will be coming in with specimens of sperm. 

"What is it?" he asked casually. 

"Uh, sperm." Drew said. 

"It's what?!" the kid asked again.

Luckily the other lady at the desk leaned over to her new colleague and gently nudged him towards a silent realization,

"It's Thursday, John. Remember, Thursdays at 2:30?"

"Oh right, right yeah." said the kid, handing Drew a stack of papers to fill out and return with his specimens.  

My own day at the clinic wasn't so great either. They coudn't find my vein so they had to quite a bit of exploration. I must not have looked very good because my nurse said, "Okay just sit here. Let me get you some juice." That's what they always say when they think you might faint. 

The good news is that when they called me today they said that I wouldn't have to go back until Saturday, so I get to skip a day. The bad news is that the reason I don't have to go back is because there has been no change in my ovaries and my follicle is not growing at a normal rate. To be honest, I need the day off --for whetever reason--so I'm sleeping in tomorrow and we're ordering pizza for dinner because you need reward mechanisms for entering into this process.