Things Unsaid

Confessions

Wait. What? Was this actually happening?

"Cancer. Terminal as anything. There's no hope for me, so I'm spending my last time here on the beach. Of course when you came along, I let that go away and my normal self came out. You couldn't possibly understand. I'm so sorry."

I wanted to cry. It was a total shock. He looked totally fine.

"I can understand."

"No you don't. You don't know what it's like to know you're dying and can't fix it? sometimes I try to stay calm for me, but then most of the time it's for others. My parents are devastated. You couldn't possibly understand."

"Actually, I can." I paused, ready to spill my guys about everything. "Last week I've discovered I have leukemia. The only other person that knows is my sister."

He looked at me funny. Didn't know how to take it, I guess.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that we're not so different after all."

At first I could tell that he wasn't sure if I was telling the truth, but then he slowly started to believe.

"But you're so healthy and lively."

"Maybe. I don't know how bad it is just yet."

I sank into the sand. More than anything I just wanted to spill my life story out at him. I wanted to stay in that moment forever.

"What's it like? You know, telling your parents?"

He sat down in the cool sand next to me as the waves crashed a little before our feet.

"Disappointing. Difficult. I felt guilty. Here I saw their faces slowly break into a million sad pieces and then the moment where they try to keep it together so you're okay. In reality, I was being strong for them. I hated every second of it, but it did feel better when they became so supportive of the whole thing. Before, I was ready for college and life and independence, and now, I can't be free. This is the longest I've been away from them since."

Tears fell, but being close and knowing that I wasn't alone helped.

"Besides, the only reason I'm here is because I love the beach and I begged my parents to let me come here as my dying wish. Here I am. The only independent moment of my life. But hey, it's a great place to be."

His dying wish. Dying. Him. Probably me too. I never really thought about death before, but let me tell you, when you do, it's a horrible and scary thing.

"You should tell your parents though. The sooner the better. Independence may go right out the window, but they want to be there for you through it all. As much as it hurts now, wouldn't you rather have them find out through you while you're still okay rather than when you are dead and they feel like they never even knew what was really going on?"

He had a point. I did need to tell them, but there was just one problem.

"I'm scared to, Jake." The sound of my voice cracking over the tears that were swelling up emerged. I felt horrible. It would suck to ruin their vacation, but Jake was right, it would suck if I waited too. Darned if I do, darned if I don't.

"I'm here for the next three days. You can tell them during breakfast tomorrow morning. I'll even be there with you if you want."

He was so utterly sweet.

"I couldn't ruin their vacation."

"But look at the guilt if they find out after the fact. I'll help you through it, but this has to be done."

Wiping up my tears, I tried to gain the confidence. That was going to happen, and I needed to be ready. Without any other words, Jake walked me back up to the hotel room. Room 3B. He gave me a quick little kiss, a reassuring hug, and told me that he would check in on me in the morning. I smiled. The universe had helped two sickly teens fall in love at random. It was quite romantic in the quirkiest of ways.

"Goodnight, Jake."

"Goodnight, Angie."

With that I walked into the hotel room, half tears and half smiles. My mom was in the shower and Christine was on her phone searching for internet service. Dad was watching something on the TV. Eventually I took a quick, hot shower, and right before bed I walked out on the balcony with my nightly cup of tea and just stared out at the sea.

As the waves crashed, I tried to figure out what I was feeling, but I just couldn't. Mixed emotions fell through me as the day replayed in my mind. As I sipped the tea, realizing that the hotel only had Chamomile rather than my favorite Oolong, I thought about the future. Mainly tomorrow morning at breakfast. How was I going to tell my parents? Would it ruin the vacation? How would they react? Either way, it had to be done, and luckily enough for me, both Christine and Jake would be there to help me through it.

Besides, anything said over a hotel breakfast and cup of morning coffee can't be taken too hard, right?