ʟᴏᴠᴇsɪᴄᴋ ʙʟᴜᴇs | ᵗʳᶦˣʸᵃ

one

   a sudden cold breeze hits my drenched face as i jolted and woke up. a mix of disappointment and worry graced my once carefree and youthful face. i slowly bring my hands towards my face as i scrub my eyes, wiping thoroughly meanwhile tears well up ever so slightly. i now brought myself to my feet and stood up. the cloth of my linen sheets brushing friction against my bare legs until it finally rested on the floor. 

   i rushed to look at myself in the mirror. a girl with bright blond hair stared at me. bluish purple shadows underlined her eyes. her once firm and flushed cheeks were now gray with stress and loneliness. the lips that were once juicy and avidly plump were now cracked with the loss of moisture and constant rejection of simply using a swipe of chapstick. i miss who she was. i wanna cling onto the past when everything was okay and the times where i didn't have to worry about anything but my crush liking me and keeping up with my friends' lives.

   but times have changed and i've got bills to pay specially my college dues even with the government scholarship ongoing. with my brother dropping out in his last year of college, i've got a lot of eyes upon me accompanied by the high expectations that come with it.

   after three terms, i can finally prove myself to my family that i can achieve anything i want just as i put my mind to it. but that mantra is slowly giving up for me. i want to fight for my broke and bed ridden family but motivation has lost me.

   i stopped thinking and rushed through the kitchen to heat up some top ramen. i opened the cupboard as my roommate, pearl, spoke to me. "good morning fucker," she smirked holding a cup of coffee on left hand and her phone on the other. her sleepy voice still ringing out in the echoes of the room. "mornin' pearl." i turned around and grinned at her.

   i was now closing the microwave door and set the timer to five minutes. i laid down in the small cushiony sofa where pearl was also sitting down on. 

  "how was violet last night? did you put on your birthday suits and got lucky?" i playfully tapped pearl in the shoulder and winked at her. she scoffed in a frolicsome way and chuckled lightly. "it happened quicker than i expected. one minute we were eating a lovely rib dinner and then another in the bathroom eating each other out. she was nice though." she smiled at the thought of the small waisted girl she met on tinder who also happens to study in brent university where both pearl and i study fashion design and marketing, coincidentally.

   "how about you? how's your pussy feeling?" pearl said with a jerk of her head and a pitiful grin slightly playing on her lips. "still as dry as my jokes." i exclaimed in a half joke and half truth. pearl laughed hysterically at that before giving a loud cough and looking straight at my eyes with her oceanic blue-green ones.

   "girl, you gotta get yourself a new man. that ladyhood of yours can only be dehydrated for six months. and what? yours died from malnutrition 3 years ago." pearl tittered as she showed of her pearly whites. 

   "i don't know." i turned away from her and took a deep breath. "after what happened with fame?" i managed to blurt out even in the midst of choking in the tears already forming in the brim of my eyes. "trixie," pearl pulled me in for a hug and rubbed the small of my back, "that is so 3 years ago. and he doesn't deserve you. he cheated on you with that less of a nothing pig." the girl looked at me with a sincere smile that says it's gonna be okay and a look of a fire slowly burning in her blue orbs.

   "ugh." i blurted out. "i promise i will after i earn enough money to pay for my college tabs." a look of murk flooded my face as it contrasted with pearl's rosy ones. "honey, it will atleast take you another 2 years to save that large amount of money if you keep working in that little coffee shop." she hushed with concern.