Calling my Angel.

Part 1- The note.

So I read a fanfic on here but it was actually something off tumblr and it was about one direction. I was going to write my own but with The Wanted members. Basing that fanfic as the story line but not copy it! Like write my own version because I liked the idea..Is that okay?

Please tell me what you think though:D

Dear Jay,

I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't let you love her and know that we had something. And I know this sounds completely and utterly stupid but you have to know.

Ever since I met you, something changed inside me. I didn't know what it was back then but now I do. I know exactly what it is. 

Over time, I started to grow really close to you, we had a really good bond. To everyone else, we were just great mates weren't we? To my family; to your family; to our other band mates and to your girlfriend.

You know as I wrote that word, my heart dropped?

You didn't feel the same as me, you never did. You always chose her. Even though you knew what we had together. The way you'd kiss me and I'd forget the world and stay in that moment. The way we could just lay in bed for hours talking about anything and I'd still have something to talk about with you the next day.

I love you Jay. There I said it.

I've loved you ever since I laid eyes on you, I was just confused back then. I didn't know what to do. I was in love with my best mate and band mate. If anyone found out, they'd call me weird, they'd hate me.

As I'm writing this, I'm sat on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor just in my boxers and nothing else. I know you'll think this is your fault and I don't want you to think that Jay because it isn't true. The only reason I am doing this is because I don't see the point in living when nobody will ever love me for what I am. And I love you Jay, nobody else. That's what hurts the most because you love her.

Please don't think bad of me for doing this but I have too. I figured taking an over dose on these pills will be easiest. They will just slide down my throat easily. 

Please tell the boys; Max, Tom and Siva that I love them. And I want the band to carry on with my absence. I want you all to move on and leave me behind.

I know who this will affect most and it's you Jay, isn't it? You'll be torn up and you won't let anybody in to help you but you can't do that. You have to leave me in the past because that's what I am.

But I know we'll be together again soon, you just gotta wait Jay and I'll be there. I'll up there with the big guy waiting for you. For you to kiss me so I can feel weak again. 

No one can stop us Jay, we will be together. Maybe just not in this life.

I'm sat here now and I'm cold. It hurts to think what I'm doing to people but I need to go. I can't face it. I don't want to be in the way of you and her. I can't do that to you.

But Jay, you will always be in my heart. And I will always be with you no matter what. I'll always be there,smiling down on you and being so proud it hurts almost.

I'm gonna miss you bird. I'm gonna miss everything about you.

They way you're always happy and smiling. You never failed to put the smile back on my face, never ever! And I really do appreciate it because whenever I was down, you'd cheer me up. Whether it was with your soft side or your funny side. You made me smile.

Do you know what else I love? I love the person you are. You'd stick up for everyone you loved and you wouldn't care if you got hate for it. You put everyone else before you and that's amazing. It really is. Everything about you is amazing Jay.

You're beautiful inside and out!

I may have to start clearing this up now but before I go, this is for the boys..

Tom, what can I say? You're the most common person I have ever met. But you make me smile. You've been such a good mate to me, seriously! I love you for that bro, thank you.

Max, the old man. Haha, it's true mate! Your dad jokes may be terrible but hey, they still make everyone laugh. Don't lose your humour, it makes you unique and the Max I know, is great! Thank mate, for everything!

Seev, aw mate. You calm me down all the time. You're good at that! You were always the zen type one...please don't lose him. Seev, you're such a good mate and I really respect you, thanks!

So guys please don't blame yourselves, it's my own decision to do this. And please don't think bad of me for doing this or for you know, the me loving Jay part because I'm, I'm just sorry okay?

Back to you Jay..Please can you do me a favour?

Please look after my mum and my sister, please. You are the only one who they think of as their own son and brother and without me there, maybe you can fill that hole for them.

And Jay, I can't tell you how sorry I am for doing this to you but I love you too much to hold on any longer. Please accept the decision I've made. You'll get through it with the lads help, with your families help. I will always be there for you. You will see me again.

I've just taken all the pills and I feel a bit light headed. My vision is blurring and I can't do this, it hurts. You know as I'm dying, I'm thinking of you. It makes me feel better having you in my head. You're all I want to think about.

I'm scared Jay, help me.

My thoughts are all over the place now and it's getting darker. So I have to go now, but I won't be coming back. I know it's hard and I'm sorry. I'm just sorry I couldn't wait longer for you, I really am. If only there was a way..

In the morning, you will probably find me here, and I won't be there as in personally. But I sure will be there in spirit, calming you. Thanks for everthing Jay, it means a lot to me.

Goodnight Jay, I love you.

Nath. xx

*So yeah guys, that's it:)

I hope you like it and I will post the next part soon!

All the next parts will be in Jay's pov probably so yeah, thanks for reading! 

Please comment with what you think because I wanna know youropinions:D

And please vote for it as well, I really appreciate it!:D

Thanks again,

Love Lizzie.x*