"Mom, I-"my throat started to close up, I couldn't talk to the policeman now! I could feel the tears well up in my eyes and slowly
start to spill over.
"Too soon" I whispered, as I focused on the details of my purple bed
spread because I was too ashamed to look at her.
"Oh, honey, it's okay, I'm sure he'll understand" she said
putting her hand on my arm for reassurance. I looked up at her and
nodded.
Stupid, stupid me. I had the chance to say something but I'm
just too much of a coward. How could I let that opportunity slip
through my fingers? If now's not fine, when will it be?
There was silence and it wasn't awkward, it was just nice to
have her company. I sat there, leaning against my headboard and she
rested her back on the side of my shoulder, with one foot hanging off
the edge of the bed. She sighed and turned her head to look at me
directly, "honey, I've kept the policeman waiting long enough, I
should go, do you want anything to eat?" she asked me as she got up
from the bed and kissed me on the forehead.
"No thanks," I said and slunk back down underneath my bed sheets.
Should I?
Should I not?
Tears streamed down my face while I sat on the edge of my bed,
thinking.
The razor felt cold even compared to my frozen hands.
I had fought the urge to cut myself before, but now I'm not sure.
People say it's bad, but other people say it really elevates your pain.
I imagine the pain I would have to endure to make the other pain
go away. I cringe, but that thought isn't enough to make my other
thoughts go away even temporarily.
How could I be played by Alex?
How could I get caught up in 'love'?
Even for such a short time?
How could I watch a murder and not say anything?
How could I let an opportunity to actually say something slip
through my fingers?
Should I?
Should I not?
I lowered the razor to my wrist, but just stopped a few
centimeters from my skin. I slowly placed the razor on top with hardly
any pressure, still debating.
Should I?
Should I not?
___________________________________________
I know, I know :P
I havent uploaded in a while
but on the bright side, I have three parts to upload and I'm working on the fourth! :)
so PLEASE COMMENT! I want to know what you think!!
-Jessica<3
