Butthurt 101: A Lesson In Cliche

Part 8 - The Return of The Butthurt

Dedicated to ShiningOpal due to her continuous lovely comments.

Oh yes - it's back.

I'm very aware it's been like two years since I've updated this properly and that I've lost all my readers... But I never started this for that anyway so yolo I've decided to write this as I'm feeling more #inthemood for it and have matured since I last wrote a chapter. Hence why I severely edited this whole rant piece of shit because my other version made me want to cringe my life away. It's only going to be five points for a hashtag taster (cough) I can't be arsed to do 10 and I didn't in the last part either anyway (cough). I haven't edited this greatly yet so it will have grammatical errors and extreme spelling mistakes. If you're actually here and this wasn't what you wanted... soz. If I've became even more vulgar and offensive with time.... I'm really not soz. Without further ado:

61. When authors are being blatantly lazy and randomly skip ahead in time.

Example: "Wow, that sex was fuckin' mint mate. Let me devour your precious cock once more." I say whilst lapping back up his potential children, thirsty for more underage paedophilia rampant-

*9 months later*

"PUSH PUSH PUSH!" the nurse screams as I push out the 10 tonne baby that has been bomb-shelled with little progress and lack of development onto you - the reader who has wasted too much time revisiting this recycled bullshit.

Although I sometimes don't mind when some writers use this, it does really wind me up when it's used through such a vast amount of time; like randomly stating 'six years later'. It's as if the writer is like "Mhmm, yeah that'll do for that age... Lets just skip this character development to the age where all the fun stuff happens!" If you were going to do that, I don't see why you didn't just start the whole book off from present time. You could just, I don't know, have your character have some Vietnam flashback instead of being so forward with it. However, I do love prologues or first chapters that have the character as a child as it gives a lot of background, but not when they're a child for around about five chapters and then having it skip to them being a teenager or adult. If there is that much context needed from their childhood in the story, I'd probably prefer it in tiny doses where the character is reminiscing, dreaming or even having a flashback about it. Otherwise, it feels like you're just choking me with a lot of information before I even get to know the character. And giving away the entire plot so quickly, when you have an opportunity to make a suspenseful build up to it. That being said, I'm not saying I don't like skipping ahead when it's subtle. Meaning in the next chapter it's normal and descriptive of the scene and all that jazz, but it'll slip in something like another character maybe talking about the scene in the last chapter and saying "I can't believe that was last month." (obviously something more creative and subtle than that I'm literally pulling this out of my asshole). Then again, I know that if your story isn't a quick adventurous one and not everyday was needed, it'd be completely weird to have to describe every single day of your character's boring life. But I cannot stand when it just states *A month later*. It just looks and feels so lazy to me. Although the explanation of this point wasn't the same for the example, I used that as it's the most common version that people use here on Wattpad who cannot be arsed to describe something so useless and insignificant as pregnancy. In summary, although I made this a point, I don't know how many people share this opinion so it might just be me. But please... If you're going to hop forward the clock a tad,  at least pretend you give a shit about what you're writing...

62. When female characters change themselves by having an extreme makeover just to make the male character like them. And not caring about the vanity of it all and the fact that they obviously only care about their fucking appearance.