Butthurt 101: A Lesson In Cliche

Part 6 - Conflicting Butthurt

I know this is set as restricted, but part 5 is saying private, and people can't view it? Is there a way to change this? Thanks lambs.

51. The ex of romance stories.

Example: as i sit at the cafe with diarrhea my bf i noticed the gurl at the counter was looking at him longingly. he squirmed uncomfortably and looked at me whilst the girl turned her head and glared at me, making strangling motions in the air. wow. but whyyyy. k. i rlly doubt its his ex. wat a bombshell dat wud be. she decided to take our order and smiled sexily (no homo) at diarrhea, not sparing me one glance. how rude.

"wot is ur prob" i say cuz yolo

"wow shut up stupid slag stealing my bf he still luvs me k we had sex i totz didnt cheat tbh" so i took this opportunity to kill her sorry (not sorry)

"wow cat fite guize" said diarrhea.

Fuck sake. Again, with not wanting to end your story so finding an excuse to keep it running. Why couldn't they of broke up on good terms, both wanting to be friends - or just not talk anymore? Why couldn't the girl of been a nice person, rather than always being an evil cunt simply because they used to screw each other? Plus, even if they did break up on bad terms, why does the ex so desperately want him back? I can understand jealousy, but come on. Why do ex's have to piss on every bonfire? It doesn't make sense to me! Sure, this cliche works for some stories. With some, it was even planned. But sometimes I just wish so much that the ex would just be nice. Not a bitch. Just a normal person. You can use the same idea of her wanting the love interest back, but it doesn't mean she has to be such a slut about it. Not everything has to revolve around the relationship of the two characters; even if it's a romance.

52. Authors notes in the middle of the story.

Example: (SUSPENSE DRAMA SHIT GOING DOWN) "Don't do it, kyleamango" I screamed, tears running down my face. (A/N is she gonna do it ooo) Kylemango prepared the gun and pointed it at papamango and screamed "GOOBY PLS!" (A/N omg having a break down this is so suspenseful!) I cried more "NO DOLAN NO RAEP" (A/N is he rlly gonna do it in front of her oooo wots gunna happen) "GOOBY PLS" kyleamango screamed again (A/N who's gooby? dun dun dun) so i said "K but maek it quick" i gave in and let him raep. (A/N OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Why do people do this? It's not like we care what they have to say? Why would I give a flying fuck about your opinion of your own story? Just keep updating you fucking wench. If you really want to discuss your story, leave it at the end of the chapter. Don't ruin what little story you have by shoving your snotty nose down everyone's throats and interrupting everything. How would you react if you're reading, let's say, Lord of The Rings. A wild J.R.R Tolkien's 'authors note' appears when Frodo's contemplating dropping the ring: (A/N Oh deary do, is he going to do it? Keep reading, fans). Would or wouldn't that ruin fucking everything? You would laugh, shit all over the book and throw it away because the author ruined everything. Wouldn't you? So if you want to publish a book later on in life, there's no point getting in the habit of using 'A/N' and dotting it where ever the fuck you want. Especially if you want to write for a living, because no one will publish you gossiping in between your fantasy worlds.

53. Fan-fictions (the ones that aren't even trying).

This one had to come, and it doesn't even need an example. Try taking everything I have wrote in this shit load of fuck, and combine it.

That is your average, shitty, decomposed baby fat fan-fiction.

Seriously - this isn't aimed at the good fan-fictions. Why not? The only things I have published on Wattpad are two fan-fictions. They only have about three chapters, but I obviously like fan-fiction if it's the only thing I'm publishing other than this at the moment. I'm talking about them little wannabe fans who claim to be the biggest, and write themselves in with what they want to be their fuck buddies. But let's face it, these people don't know what they're talking about. It's very hard to make a character resemble someone in real life. And if you don't know sod all about them, you're not gonna get a ticket out of that one, sunny jim. Turning a real life pop star into some rock and roll perfect little lovey dovey boyfriend is so useless. Why not just make your own celebrity character if you're going to mince the real person? Why not? Ah, views. I see why you made it a 1D fan-fiction and slaughtered the celebrities personalities. The easiest ways to get views. Tut, tut. Naughty. The muscle of hunk man will spot this 'damsel in distress' in these stories and fall for the financially poor and troubled girl character at first sight. There's something that makes it key to me a lot of these people are fabricating themselves as this character. There's way more fan-fictions that have boy celebrities than vice versa. And the writers are girls. Fishy, I reckon. Saying this, I know a lot of writers who are girls find it hard if they were to write in the POV of a boy who was the 'peasant' of the story, but a lot of these stories have both point of views. Probably not true, but just something I'd mention. Moving on, the main reason I dislike fan-fiction is because if there's one thing Wattpad has the most... It's One Direction fan-fictions. Don't get me wrong, I don't dislike 1D (as I hardly know them). I don't particularly like their music, but that's irrelevant. It's not who they are, it's the fact it's the only thing Wattpad seems to consist of if you look in the What's Hot section. And then all the fan-fiction writers read them stories and copy each other. I don't read fan-fictions myself (I only write them what a bumlick), but when I used to I found it really hard to come across any celebrity ones I liked. I even tried to read 1D ones, but the popular ones are... Not fantastic. They're rather milking off the fact their British and making some very non-British shenanigans that is obviously trying too hard or just recycling everything I've put in this rant book. I've read some good ones, though, which weren't as popular. But otherwise, it's obsessed nine year old's all the way in that section. The point is, a lot of these mainstream fanfics is as if the authors are just making up their own characters. I think it's fine to do that, just don't use a popular celebrity's name. You can copy the description of their looks and say that they inspired the character - but don't make the title something it's not. I advise to do as much research as you can on the person if you're going to do a fan-fiction, even if you know them like the back of your hand just to double check you're not being misleading.

In other fan-fiction news -  SistahOreo decided to inbox me a lovely fan-fiction the other day, named 'Raped by the boys'. So many ways I could of reacted. I could of cried. I could of screamed. I could of lashed out. Fortunately, I decided to wet my knickers with laughter instead.. This fanfiction also seems to involve all the cliche's I have listed here, and doesn't make bat-shit sense. If you've ever wanted real people to be mentally slaughtered and turned into psychopaths, run there. It involves these heartwarming quotes:

'He brought me to the dressing room and chloroformed me.' (I'm sorry James Bond, how2chloroform someone?)

'Harry can I watch I want to see her virgin body before it's mutilated'.

If you want to be heavily amused, I suggest you use this link and get on over there. HOWEVER, please don't comment on it if you aren't going to be subtle that you don't actually like it. No cyber-bullying today! And if you do like it... Well. Um.

http://www.wattpad.com/10263290-raped-by-the-boys-chapter-1

54. Really cheesy lines. Unless it's part of your characters personality.

Example: Action stories: "im going to breed with u and steal all ur lemons." the guy said.

"wow pls dont?" i replied

"k" he said and stole my lemons

"haha! not today!" my hero screamed and killed him.

Romance stories: "im soz im not the gurl u want me 2 b. i dont have the perfect body. but im who i want to be and you will never change me!"

"rlly." i said

"ye im a clutzzzyyyyyyy09948"

"ur MY clutzyyyyy09948" i said and stabbed her 67 times in the bahoma ( Annoying authors note (but a true one): I was typing vagina without looking and that happened thought I'd go with it).

Sorry, but I personally cannot stand and probably will never be able to stand cheesiness. I cringe so much. I literally flinch like you're wounding me. If someone ever said any shitty cliche saying like that to me in real life, I would lash out of them. Hell, I'd presume they were taking the piss out of me! I just can't stand the typical 'Just you try to stop me!' line as if it's Scooby fucking Doo. I mean, your character would probably be shaking and having unstoppable diarrhea before they summoned the bravery to help Mary Sue in her conquest of bollocks - let alone be a cheeky cunt whilst doing it. But the romance ones are so much worse. Oh god. There's a difference between being romantic and being whipped to your bone marrow. Unless they're shy or inexperienced, I really doubt men would blush from making hand contact. Especially when they're in their fucking twenties, not nine years old. Low blow. Sorry. Also, this idea of 'owning' someone. Love interests always seem to go 'you're mine.' or 'you belong to me'. That's not cute, that's freaky as fuck and possessive. In reality, maybe once or twice it'd be okay in a stable relationship. These characters always say it though! As if you're love interest doesn't already know - she most likely shivers herself to sleep at night!

55. Ghost Fans

Example: Author: -uploads story-

-Receives like 500 views-

-Looks at votes and comments-

-0? wat-

Such fan. Much vote. Wow.

Hate it when people silently continue to read your book. Especially when they most likely find it good - yet cannot spare a few seconds to at least vote to let you know they like it. Or comment for some feedback whether they disliked it or not. But when they do leave feedback?

'Update now son of a bitch or I'll fucking kill you, bimbo whore :))))))))))'.

This is the problem I have with most people on Wattpad. Smaller writers with really good plots never seem to receive feedback, votes or even friendly comments letting them know they're enjoying their story. You know - boosting the old self-esteem might just make them update quicker! The whole reason I joined Wattpad was to get feedback from others; to improve my shitey writing. If you're a big fan, be considerate. Give the writer something to work with.