It's been a few months now. I know Niall is on tour, but it seems that he has completely forgotten about me. Jesus, I sound like a selfish cow. I just want him to read or reply to one of my emails. It's stupid. I must have sent over 100 within the last two months, probably more and I really don't know how more I will send before I just give up.
Well, to talk on a happier note, Sam finally asked out the guy he had a crush on. Will is a great guy, honestly I have nothing against him. It just seems that I never see Sam anymore because they spend most of their time being all lovey-dovey. Another thing that worries me is that Sam and Will leave for college at the end of this school year and I will be joining Year 9 alone... and mute.
The bulling isn't getting any easier at all. I'm alright during school hours where Sam can protect me but other than that, I am completely and utterly alone. They get me the second I reach the bus in the morning and the minute Sam leaves my side afterwards. Lies, bruises, scars and cuts are all I am familiar with now. And no Niall. No time out and that's what hurts the most. The fact that, realistically I have no one.
**********
A slap to my face brings me back to reality. I look up to see Anna's face. Recently she's become a little bit more, well, violent. It used to just be a slap here, and a punch there, and the occasional kick or something but now it's abuse nearly every time I see her. Every. Single. Time.
"What are you doing, slut?"
As usual, I stared blankly at her.
"Cat got your tongue?" She laughed. "Oh, I joke, I joke, but if you don't start talking you can't even imagine what I will do to you." I shivered and got up and walked downstairs towards my 'room'.
I sat on the floor and opened 'compose new message' on my email account and started to write yet another email to no one, since Niall never seemed to pick up his emails anymore.
To: niallhoran@onedirection.com
From: alexiamay@gmail.com
RE: <no_subject>
Niall.
I don't know if you will pick this up, you haven't picked up any of my recent messages in about a month. Do you care anymore? I mean, I guess you do but it just doesn't justify life anymore.
I sound like some spoiled brat. It's not your fault. You have a busy schedule and my s**tty excuse for a life can't be that important to it. I highly doubt you'd miss me if I went. Nor would anyone really. I guess my word kind of backfired on me. Sorry Jam.
With love forever,
Alexia May
***********
Fortunately, today is a Saturday so I can just read and listen to music. I switched my iPod onto the new 5 Seconds of Summer album and stuck it on shuffle. I'm pretty proud of what they have achieved, being one of the only fans from the beginning. I may have never seen them live, but I still love them so much.
I grabbed my battered copy of The Hunger Games and opened it to the end of part one *spoiler: it's when Peeta admits his love for Katniss* It's so cute, it's probably my favourite part of the whole trilogy! I continued to read going into part two and absorbing myself in the world on Panem.
After finishing The Hunger Games for the millionth time, I fetched a pencil and my song book from under the floorboard where it was hidden and continued to write a song I had started earlier in the week. (A/N Again this song is by me and is copyright protected, please don't copy.)
Me without you's like a pothead who's not high,
A suicidal thought where you never ever die,
It's a plane that can't fly and has been stuck on the runway, (stuck on the runway),
All day and night.
It's like s**t without a pile,
A gay guy with no style,
And a phone without a dial,
Because no one gonna pick up on the other side.
It's a nerd without his braces,
A sentence with no spaces,
And your trainers with no laces,
Because you know they're gonna fall off where ever you go.
I added an extra verse:
It's a desk without a seat,
Two shoes without two feet,
And all that's left of me,
Is a heart that's missing a beat.
It's not a fantastic song, definitely not one of the best I've written. And to be honest, sometimes life can feel like a heart missing a beat, because you can feel dead and you can feel like committing suicide but you have to carry on. And for a while you do carry on. And then ... it ends.
It just ends.
(A/N Kind of a double update! I've got a really exciting but coming up in the next few chapters. Opinions on Niall on tour? Any ideas on what will happen next? Hope you enjoyed x)
YOU ARE READING
Emails To No One
FanfictionShe was alone. When there was no-one else she wrote her thoughts and emotions to him. Because he would never read them, and that's what she wanted. But she never expected a reply. Alexia May is a twelve year old girl who has never really known a...
