Agatha's Wannabe Fairytale

Agatha’s Fairytale

Part 1: The Ridiculousness Begins

            Agatha had always wanted to live in her own fairytale. However she had no idea she would be put in the wrong role!

            She had always led a dreadfully boring life. She lived in a middle of the road suburbia with her two horribly normal middle aged parents. Neither of them were supernatural or secret spies or well anything of interest. Agatha spent a majority of her time reading old fairytales that she was given as a young child (and as a result had a strange and offensive politically incorrect view of the world) and badly written Wattpad stories written by ordinary people whom seemed incapable of capitalizing their proper nouns and many of whom never used spellchecker.

             She soon realized after a few stories they probably had slept drooling on their little desk during the grammar lessons they were supposed to have received during elementary school (and unfortunately for Agatha her narrator has always been overly fond of excessively lengthy sentences and parentheses). However despite these criticisms she often made in her mind she was quite addicted to these stories and read them for hours on end like the good little hypocrite she knew she was.

             Due to these unfortunate factors in her life and her own delusions, Agatha’s dreams were full of heroic deeds of handsome rich princes, beautiful women under nasty enchantments, seemingly innocent old women who turned out to be very powerful and evil sorceresses, as well as unhealthily possessive werewolves who basically abuse and kidnap their mates while being called romantic,  One Direction being vampires who kidnap underage girls who do not even like their music (and truthfully who does?), and of those awful stifling restrained Victorian courtships.

            One excruciating, terribly, dreadfully, incorrigibly, adverbially average day Agatha was walking to her disappointingly normal high school (it did not even have any mysterious unexplainable disappearances or suspicious possibly supernatural super rich students or staff OR even a teacher-student forbidden romance!!) when she saw a grisly old man sitting on the side of the road with a rat on top of a cat on top of a dog. Taking note of how truly ordinary he looked she began walking across the street while pretending he did not exist. Then as she took a few steps past she realized this was her chance for an exciting life. She remembered helping poor seemingly insignificant individuals always ended up spicing up or helping the lives of the protagonists in fairytales!

            When struck with this epiphany she stood there in the middle of the street she had started to cross as if frozen as cars screeched their horns, drivers shouted unsavory comments, and cars spun while trying to avoid hitting the stupid girl standing in the middle of the street.

            “DIDN’T YER PARENTS TEACH YA NOT TO STAND IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FRICKIN’ ROAD YOU IDIOT!?!?!”

            Widely smiling Agatha started walking backwards toward the grungy man whose eyes had became strangely wide looking like those of a scared rabbit.

            She turned around once she was near him on the curb, looked down with her charming smile and thought, “What’s wrong with him?? He looks like he just almost saw someone get run over. Cheese and rice!”