Toni's Mind

Those nights

All I want is peace of mind,
Yet since I was small life hasn't been that kind.
Stranger to the feeling of love,
Hard to believe some prayed for me to above.

The shooting pain in my ribs,
Tried to live my life like ad-libs,
The tightness in my chest,
Knowing this isn't my best,
Lord forbid I end up like the rest.

Who heals the healer?
Run to the drugs from my dealer,
Trying so hard not to feel,
Pain,sorrow , mental torture are real.

Such a wicked combo the three,
Constantly torn with who I am and who I want to be.
I've tried to leave,
The universe won't let me,
Still seems it's not meant to be.

Each night getting longer,
Never wake up feeling any stronger.
The battle forth and back,
A consistent reminder of what I lack.

I lack happiness and peace.
Bottling everything up at my mouth with a crease.
A mask I've grown so use to filling,
My emotions to my own heart it's killing.

I hurt so much,
The only time I forget is when I'm high at someone's touch.
To truly feel in the world alone,
Is earth where I can really call home?

Earth that told me how bad it can be,
Fate threw trials and tribulations at me,
So many days seemed too dark to see,
Please place my broken soul at the sea.

To float amongst the river of my tears,
I wish I could love past all my fears.
The fire of life I kept touching as it sears.
Tips of fingers burned from the flame at the rear.

The rear end of the vehicle of my mind,
The self doubt and second guessing was left behind.
They say your intuition is always right,
I guess it's just one of those nights....