Her suitcase sat by the door and she couldn't take her eyes off it. The lump in her throat grew with every passing second and she could barely swallow anymore. The tears burnt the back of her eyes despite of her hardest attempts not to cry.
How did they end up like this? She kept asking herself the same question over and over again but there was no answer for it, not a single explanation for what had gone wrong and something had, severely as well.
She could barely put her finger on when it's all started at all. However, she knew Mats hasn't touched her for 2 months and 3 days now. It wasn't just the sex though, it was way more than that. He barely talked to her. Used to they'd spent the evenings with either of them cooking and just talking about their days, into the smallest details. Used to he'd responded to her babbles about the latest office gossip, commented her newest ideas for the upcoming campaigns.
But lately everything had changed. He's become distant. They barely talked anymore. She'd tried her damnest to make a conversation, to talk about things that would interest him, to watch films she knew he'd like but nothing had helped.
After a month she'd tried to confront the subject but he'd been completely passive and dared saying that she'd seen ghosts, that it'd all just been in her head. But she knew it wasn't true. Something was wrong and it weighted down on their relationship.
She understood he was going through a hard phrase both at the club and with the national team. Of course she understood, she'd been there when he'd picked up a bad injury and the rest of his season had become questionable. First he'd been fine though, he'd been enthusiastic to get back to work and do the impossible by recovering fast enough to arrive for the crucial part of the season and the world cup.
However, as time had passed by, he'd lost his excitement and energy more and more. He'd turned more and more dejected and after a while he barely wanted to go to the doctor anymore. She'd tried to ask him if maybe he'd gotten some bad news, if his injury had been even worse than they'd first assumed but he'd brushed her off again.
The more he shut her out, the more agitated she'd become to get to the bottom of his problem that slowly but surely had become their problem. She was desperate to find a way to him but he seemed to be determined to keep her at arm's length.
It'd lead to her having to make a decision she'd never thought she'd have to, also didn't want to. She was going away. It broke her heart to walk out the door but it also shattered her that she was now just a furniture at their own home, something that was around but hardly mattered. She couldn't take one more day of rejection, one more day filled with waiting for him to at least look her in the eyes, one more evening spent in silence, one more night spent by his side in the bed, yet alone, staring at the ceiling.
The door opened and he walked in with a muttered 'hi' under his breath. She bit her lip to hold back the sob that was shaping in her throat when he didn't even noticed the suitcase at the door and started towards the bedroom without another word.
"I'm going away," she said with a shaky voice. Her fingers laid entwined in her laps, she played with them nervously to try and focus on anything else but how her body was trembling.
"Have fun," he called over his shoulder and she winced, closed her eyes for a moment.
"Mats, I'm leaving," she said, hoping the different choice of words would get his attention. She was going out with her friends, she wasn't going out to the shop, she was leaving him. His steps haltered and he turned around slowly. His eyes were wide, an unreadable expression on his face as he stared at her.
"What?" He croaked, disbelief coloured his voice as he stood there like a statue.
"I can't take this anymore," she cried, her tears bubbled out, falling unstoppabely down to her chest and hands. "I've been trying so hard but there is no sense in this anymore."
"What... What are you talking about?" He asked in a small voice and she shook her head.
"You... You are shutting me out. I don't know what's going on with you, Mats whether it's your injury, or maybe you are bored of me or found someone new..."
"I'd never cheat on you," he exclaimed quietly but she just sobbed even harder.
"For all I know you could be dying and I'd only figure out once it was too late. I just... I can't live like this, by your side but not with you," she said, her entire face burning as she struggled to breath. Her heart tightened and she placed her hands over her chest to try and calm down but it did little good for her.
"You can't go away, please..." He pleaded in a small voice and her heart broke into even more pieces.
"This is not fair, you don't get to tell me you don't want me gone when you clearly don't care whether I'm here or not."
"Please, I can't stand the thought of losing you, too," he said as he walked to her and pulled her up against his body. His arms wrapped around her and she could feel wetness against her shoulder. He was crying as well and dread washed over her body.
"Mats, what the hell is going on? I'm begging you to tell me." She thought of the worst now, that he was sick and didn't tell her and that she'd lose him for good. The thought paralyzed her to the core. Breaking up, walking out on the door would have been painful but she'd have known that he was alright but a world without him...
"My career is over," he said quietly and she let out a sigh of relief. Her tears dried on her burning cheeks. She had to sit down, all strength ran out of her body as relief washed over her. He wasn't dying. "I don't even know who I am without football and you... you deserve better than this but I just can't let you go, please don't leave me." The words rushed out of him but she could barely hear him.
"You aren't dying," she repeated and another wave of tears bursted out of her. "You scared the hell out of me."
"I'm sorry... I just... You are so amazing and you know what to do with your life, always have a plan b while I am just a football player... I was doing this ever since I know my mind and now I don't even know who I am. I thought you wouldn't even want to be with me when you realized how useless I am." He knelt in front of her, cupped her face into his hands to make her look at him. "The only thing I know is that I want you in my life and that I'm sorry I made you feel like this."
"God... You should have told me because I'd have just told you that you are a fool, Mats Julian Hummels. You are much more than just a football player, you are my life and as you may as well know, I'm god damn picky." She pulled him into a hug and buried her face into the crooke of shoulder, trying to even her breathing. "We'll figure this out. I'm going to help you with whatever I can just... please, don't ever do this to me again."
"I'm sorry, so sorry," he whispered as he placed soft kisses all over her face. "Just don't give up on me?"
"Never," she said softly as she brushed her lips over his. She knew they had a very bumpy road ahead of them. She knew it was going to be hell of a difficult task to get him through this- However, she also knew if they held onto each other tight enough, they would be able to do it; he'd be able to do it because he was one stubborn man, and could do anything he set his mind to. He might not think that now but she had faith for both of them.
