Faethfully Yours: Unbound

Chapter Fourteen

Ivan may have carried me. I may have walked. With all the pounding in my head and the constant fade to black, I wasn't sure.   One moment I was cradled in his arms on the cliff. The next, I lay in a bed alone, while Ivan took to the shadows in the corner of the room. And there was silence—lots of it. Enough to make me wonder whether under the pressure of Maris’ wrath, my eardrums had burst.

Ivan exhaled and disproved the notion. “How do you feel?” he murmured so quietly, I nearly mistook it for a thought. But then he lifted his eyes to me, negating that thought as well.

I looked into those tired silvery pools until his echo faded into the walls. Was I better? No, I wasn’t ever going to be better—ever.  Not until we found out where the veil was and secured it away from Xanthus. But even then, I’d always be running, hiding, fighting. It seemed that I would only be better once I was dead.

Gathering his answer from my silence, Ivan pushed away from wall. I tensed, but thankfully he didn’t near me. Hands behind his back, he looked down to each step he took as he moved in a straight line the length of the room. The weight on his shoulders was heavy, and it pressed on my chest until it hurt to breathe.

“I placed a seal on her,” he spoke into the open space in front of him. “It won’t hold for long. She’s gotten stronger,” he said regrettably. Picking up a blanket that was draped on a nearby chair, he twisted it in his hands. “Much stronger.”

Thinking of Maris' strength and of all the things I’d done under her quiet influence, I turned my head away from him, ashamed. “I know.”

A rustle caught my attention. Turning my head,  I saw he made to come near me, blanket in hands. The look I gave him stopped him in his tracks. He couldn’t come closer. 

His lips drew to a tight line, and his gray eyes darkened. “You’re shivering.”

I swallowed, unable to think of what to say that would keep him from coming closer. What could I say when all I wanted to do was run to him while at the same time run away? I remained still, imprisoned by indecision as my nails dug deeper into the sheets. Pressing my lips together to keep them from trembling, I shut my eyes against the sight of him, against his smell, against everything I wanted.

In the black of my closed eyes, I heard his approaching footsteps. When he stopped beside the bed, I clutched the sheets tighter, wanting to disappear. Part of me wanted to look at him, but the other half feared he’d see straight through me and directly into every illicit kiss I’d shared with Kheelan.

A warm finger trailed down my jaw, just as the first tear seeped through my lashes. After all I’d done, feeling how his hand trembled against my skin undid every latch of my composure. It tore open fissures of pain as he wiped away the tear.

"Look at me, Charlotte."

Against every effort, I leaned into his touch. I knew how soft and gentle it could be, but I never remembered it feeling so right. Obediently, I opened my eyes and met his stare with every truth I had.

“I kissed him. I kissed Kheelan,” I confessed.  “And I’m hurt because he never cared for me. I'm hurt because I love you, more than I can stand. I’m hurt because I’m losing my mind, and as much as I want you here, I wish you’d never come back.”

He brushed beside me, cradling my arms with a gentle firmness that tore me apart. I knew what he was going to say.

“Don’t say it!” I struggled against him.  “Don’t apologize! You’re not supposed to say sorry, or hold me like this. You’re supposed to hate me for what I’ve done. Or I’m supposed to hate you for not being there when I needed you! But I can’t.”