Ryder's Angel

Chapter Twenty-Six: Bring Her Home: Danny

Chapter Twenty-Six: Bring Her Home: Danny

For five days we prepared. Who would stay and who would go?

Jess, Penelope and Jason were some of the few people, besides me, who were going as the search-and-battle party. Kendall would watch Ethan. The one to save Angeline was Riddle.

Riddle, the thirteen-year-old I taught years ago, who was now eighteen. He came back once hearing of Miss Sadie’s death and the battle. He was very skilled, trusted, and smart. Angeline would never recognize him as easily as me.

The five days were agonizing. The majority of the time I was helping prepare, but I tried to spend as much time with Ethan as I could. It made my heart cringe whenever I thought of him here after I left: motherless then fatherless. What could that be like? No, I knew that feeling. But Ethan had never known anyone but his parents, whereas I never even met mine.

He was more reserved when we played with blocks. He didn’t giggle, didn’t smile. He only pointed where to put the multicolored cubes with a grunted, “Here, Daddy.” I tried to make him laugh, to make him smile, but it was hard – there wasn’t much joy left here. My heart was hollow, if not coated with grief as red as blood. There was too much tension; nothing exciting happened. When I tried to tickle him, Ethan only pushed me away and began to cry.

My poor son; motherless and soon to be fatherless – at least only for awhile. What kind of world was this? A sick, bloody, twisted one; one where sons watched their parents murder people, thinking any other reason than to protect – one where there was a war and the enemy wanted to kill his mother. Was there any peace?

During the night, Ethan no longer slept in his toddler bed with railings. Instead he curled up beside me, burying his head in my chest, sucking his thumb. While he slept fitfully, I didn’t sleep at all. I couldn’t bring myself any peace, what with all I had to worry about. A few times Ethan would give a start and I had to give him some warm milk, other times he would toss and turn, murmuring, “Mommy.” My heart twisted just at the mention of her. Was my angel safe?

*

On the final day, there were hugs and thousands of tears – one for every goodbye. Kayla cried the most, watching most of her family leave for battle. Penelope almost never let go of Jason, despite the fact they were leaving together. There were teary words of wisdom and advice, and one girl even got up to kiss Riddle on the cheek I heard her words: “You save Angeline for Danny, got it?” There was sad determination in her voice, and she looked at me from across the room. She approached and I saw it was actually Zo, a member of my family. She had grown so much. Her hands were on her hips. “You aren’t expecting me to stay here are you, Danny?”

I had to smile, even if it was grim. “’Course not.” I had to almost shout over the din. “Put your mind reading to the test.”

Zo smiled and pushed her way toward the stairs to do whatever. Riddle watched her.

Then Kayla came up, trying her best to smile. “Hey, Danny.”

I hugged her when she hugged me. “Kayla, are you okay?”

She had grown a lot too. She pushed her hair out of her eyes the way Angeline did. “I guess. No, not really.” I was about to say something, but she cut me off, suddenly desperate and full of grim hope. “Danny, please! Please, let me come! Let me come, I can help a lot. I can make all of you invisible. If we have to fight anyone, they won’t be able to even see us!”

What a stupid thing hope was. It devoured everything, all sanity. And when you were hopeless, there was nothing left in you – just an empty heart.

But Kayla’s sad eyes were full of it: hope. How could I refuse such an important addition to a rescue team? The only thing I was afraid of was the danger. She was like my sister, my daughter almost. Kayla was the first in my misfit family – how can I let her go to war?

“Sure,” was my simple, broken answer.

Kayla, so grownup, squealed and embraced my quickly. “Oh, thank you, Danny! You won’t regret it. I promise – we’re going to find Angeline!” The girl squeezed between people and disappeared.

For a moment I just stood there, squished against the wall near the front door, listening deafly and watching tears and bodies push around to get to others. I felt so numb. There were so many endless places to look for my angel. Where could she be? And what if she was dead already? No, I told myself sharply, they couldn’t kill her. I felt it. She was still alive.

Numb. I was leaving much behind: Ethan, my son, the New York Orphanage, my first permanent home ever, my family, my safety, memories... Ethan.

Numb.

I searched the crowd of kids, looking. I shoved myself through everyone, not caring to say anything. I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye one last time.

I made my way to the bottom of the stairs. Now all the voices and noises were like elevator music – muted and at the back of my mind. I looked up. There at the top of the stairs was Kendall with Ethan in his lap. Even from three flights down, I could see their sullen faces. My poor son. I ran up the stairs two at a time, coming to a halt, breath normal, in front of Angeline’s brother and son.  Ethan reached out his arms. I picked him up, and he buried his face in my shoulder. I stroked his hair that was so like mine.

There were no words spoken – the silence was like a thousand words.

I couldn’t believe I was doing this. It put me to the test more than anything. Who do I love more: Angeline or Ethan? Who would I risk my life more for? I would die for either of them, but not if they were on opposite sides of the world. How could I leave my five-year-old parentless? And yet, how could I leave my angel in the unknown to fend for herself? It was like I was being yanked apart in several directions: my body, my soul, and my fragile heart were already beginning to tear.

Ethan sniffled and squeezed his arms tighter around my neck. I stared at the wall as if it held all the answers to everything. Finally Ethan pulled away to look at me – and look at me he did, with those intense green eyes exactly like Angeline’s. They swam with tears and his lip quivered.

“Daddy go?”

It was hard not to smile and just say, Don’t worry I’ll come home. Lying to kids about minor things was easy – though nothing made you feel worse – but lying about if you come back either dead or alive is no light matter. It was just hard to leave him here. What kind of father was I?

So I just grimaced. “Yeah,” I murmured. My throat was thick. “Yeah, buddy, I am.” His lip pouted more. “Don’t worry, Ethan, you’ve got Uncle Kendall.”

Ethan took a glance at his mother’s brother, smiled at him, and turned back at me – and wrinkled his nose. I had to chuckle. I had to give it to him: he had both Angeline’s and my wits. Ethan smiled, too, but frowned grumpily.

“No go,” he muttered.

I brushed his bangs out of his eyes. It grew as fast as Ang’s. “I would if I could, kiddo, but I’ve got to go –”

“Why?”

“Don’t you miss Mamma?” I whispered. Ethan gave a slight nod and wiped his eyes. “That’s right. I really miss her, so my friends and I are going to go look for her and bring Mamma back. Is that okay, Ethan?”

At first he just looked down, playing with the strings on my sweatshirt, undecided. By now, all was quiet downstairs; everyone was watching the first father and son moment at the orphanage. I heard a few sniffles. My heart ripped more.

“Ethan?”

He looked at me. How sad his eyes were. And what an affect he could have, especially on me.

His words were almost inaudible. “Bring Mamma home, Daddy.”

I admit it – I cried. There was a certain thing about this whole dilemma that made me do it. I hated crying, especially if I was the one crying. But when Ethan gave me the okay – after all my grief and fear that he would make me stay – it felt like...like there was hope in my life again – just barely a sliver. Yes, my son will let me go find his mother, and find her I will.

I’m going to bring my angel home.