As Much as You {completed}

16: Ezra.

                Ezra pushed the door open, to see his mother lying on the bed and a flashback of her lying on the bed five years ago when they moved back to Cornwall came back to Ezra’s head and he remembered that Guilia didn’t speak to anyone, and it took her just as long to gain Ezra’s trust as it did for him to gain hers. 

                “Mom?” he called.

                Guilia turned around and stuffed a photograph she was holding under her leg, she didn’t move her body, but looked at Ezra before turning her head back.

                “Mom?” Ezra asked again. “What’s wrong?” 

                “Nothing,” Guilia replied, sniffing as she wiped her eyes, “nothing, don’t worry.”

                “Of course I’m going to worry. You’ve been crying, why?”

                “I was just… I was thinking. It’s nothing, don’t worry. Just my imagination running wild.” This was a lie. Guilia had been looking at a picture of Harrison, as if she’d been looking at her own son when he was a baby. She was sad that things turned out this way, but Carmen had rang Guilia when she found out she was pregnant, and told her she wasn’t going to get rid of it. Guilia told her to do what she wanted, but to remember where she wanted to go in life. She knew, though, too, that it was Ezra’s baby. Still, she didn’t get to see her grandson very often. Hardly ever. Still, she asked Carmen when she first got to see Harrison why she hadn’t gotten an abortion.

Carmen had replied, “it’s a part of Ezra that will remember me, always.”

                Guilia always thought about this when she looked at the photo she had under the leg right now. The photograph of her holding Harrison when she first saw him and it always brought a tear to her eye.

                She got the photo out because Carmen was here, and it wanted to look at it. She did, nearly every day, but this morning, it was as if it was staring at her through the draw and she had to get it out.

                Ezra had no idea, though, what was going on in his mother’s mind.

                “Did you want something?” Guilia asked.

                “No, I just wanted to see how you are.”

                “I’m fine. Fine. How’re you?”

                “Okay. Is she gone?”

                Guilia licked her lips nervously. “Ezra, please don’t talk about her if you’re not going to be nice. She also has a name.”

                “Fine, has Carmen gone?”

                “I think so…” Guilia replied in a quiet voice. “I think so.” 

                “Okay, because I just wanted to check.” Once Ezra noticed that his mother’s bottom lip was quivering, he then added, “I’m sorry if I seem rude.”

                “I understand…” she replied. Although she only half understood. Still, something like this was bad for everyone. Not just Ezra. Sure, he was the one that lost his memory, but he wasn’t the only victim in this.

                Really, he got it easier than other people because he couldn’t remember and others could. They were pained by their memories, unable to forget because it was impossible for them, yet he didn’t know any of what they were thinking about. Still, he was in denial because he actually got hit. That didn’t stop him thinking about everyone else, though. A few times he’d thought about what everyone else was going through, but he usually brought it back on himself, blaming everyone else because he was the one that was physically hurt, not mentally.