chapter 1

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"Vic this is best for you" my mom says as she pushes me into the backseat.

She goes into the front seat and starts the car.

"But mom i didn't do anything!"

She starts driving off

"you were going to kill yourself Vic, i know it"

"mom, the thoughts never crossed my mind! Mike is the whack job I'm fine!"

"You don't know that"

"yes I do!" I groan in frustration, my brother mike didn't kill himself, he was addicted to drugs and cutting, which my mom sent him to get help for, he went to therapy, and he is happy and healthy again and he and this boy tony are getting pretty close,mike wont admit it but im pretty sure they are a thing. me on the other hand would never ever have the thought of committing suicide,life is something I don't want to lose, but my mom is under the impression that I'm overly depressed, which I don't think I am.

She parks the car at this hospital looking building after two hours of a silent car drive, I'm happy it's over and I can walk out. She practically drags me inside

"you know I'm fine" I state

"you're not"

"mom, whatever someone told you isn't true"

"are you telling me not to trust your brother?"

Mike? What did mike tell her?

"What?" I ask

"I know you sit alone at lunch, you won't sit with your brother and his friend tony, you isolate yourself from everything and everyone everywhere, he's worried about you, I'm worried about you" she says and a tear goes down her face

"ma, I'm fine, I really am"

"you will be fine once this is over with" she says and she takes me to the front desk and checks me in. My mom then says goodbye and she gives me a huge hug and a kiss. I'm lead into a room where they search for anything sharp on me, and in the bag my mom packed for me, there's nothing for me to use to hurt myself because I've never hurt myself before, I just really want to scream.

"Follow me" the lady says as she holds my bag, I follow her out of the room and down a long hallway.she points at a see through door where I see people playing cards.I look closely at a boy who is sitting alone on the couch, he has long black hair, bluish greenish eyes, black skinny jeans and a dark blue shirt.

"What is he here for?" I ask

"another boy without a sharper knife" she states and then she walks ahead, it takes me a moment till I finally get my feet to work and I follow her still thinking about what she meant, that boy is too beautiful to do anything with a knife, did he hurt himself? Did he hurt someone else?

"This is your room" she says as she opens the door, there's a chair, a old looking hospital bed and a a drawer.

"For the most part, you are allowed to dress in what you are wearing, and what your parents packed, but if you hurt yourself in some way using them we will have to take them away and give you different clothes or one of the girl dresses and I'm sure you don't want that, I suggest you go over and make some friends today" she says with a smile and she puts my bag on the floor before walking off into the hallways. Make friends. Fun. I go inside that room with the clear doors.

"Newbie!" A guy says loudly.

And he waves me over, as I get closer he jesters for me to sit down in the seat in front of him, which I take.

"Hi! I'm Alex" he says as he continues eating his ice cream.

How can someone eat in this place?

"I'm Vic"

"any questions about this place?" He asks

"why is that boy here, the lady said, a boy without a sharper knife"

he looks back and points at the boy.

"You mean kellin, ya? He's known as the boy without a sharper knife"

"ya kellin, why is he here?" I ask

"well you see, he um, the knife he used to self harm with wasn't sharp enough to kill him, he's been here for a month, he's so mad that he's still alive that when it comes to well the times we can be here he sits there upset" Alex says breaking my heart in two.

Why would such a beautiful person do that to them self? It breaks me to know that he wants to die.

"why are you here?" i ask Alex laughs nervously.

"I'm gay" he says as he takes a big spoonful of ice cream in his mouth.

"that's not a reason to be locked up in here"

his face goes down into a frown

"hes suicidal" i look to my left to see a boy with weird puffy hair.

"I'm Jaime" he adds

"Vic" i say softly and he whispers in my ear "Alex's boyfriend died in a car crash, hes been suicidal ever since" and i look at Alex sympathetically.

he says its because he is gay because he just doesn't want to say why he feels so low. "hey Alex!"a boy with a blonde part in his brown hair says

"not now jack I'm with vic"

"no,its fine,I'm going to talk to jaime, hi jack, I'm Vic" Alex nods and jack smiles,i get up and jack takes my seat. and i follow jaime to a different empty table.

"and why are you here?" i ask

"depression, you?"

"i apparently am depressed and suicidal,so my mom says" i say softly and i feel myself sink into the chair

"so you aren't really supposed to be here,they just think you need it?"

"Exactly" someone understands that. I don't belong.

"if I talk to kellin, do you think he'll talk back?" I ask

"dude he is like an antisocial psychopath, do you want to become friends with him?" Jaime asks with concern in his voice.

"I mean why not, maybe he just needs someone to show him the light"

"this is the place to give him the light" he says sternly

"well it's not working and it's giving me some vibe of darkness,no light in sight"

"this place will help him"

"don't bullshit me Jaime, I haven't been here long but you can't lie and tell me this place is helpful" I see his face start lacking happiness

"this is a hospital for souls,thats what my friend Oliver told me" he says and a tear goes down his face.

"he was so full of life,he lost it because he became an addict and when I came here I talked to him and we became friends,hes this British kid so his accent was the most entertaining thing here" he says a little smile on his face from the memory.

"excuse me,im going to go,i'll tell you more later?" He says and I nod and I watch him get up and a guard opens the door and follows him out. I sigh. i fucked that up.

"you should talk to him" jack says as he sits in the seat Jaime was sitting in "kellin" he adds

"Jaime says he's antisocial" I shrug

"that's because no one wants to talk to him,they are scared he's going to break and kill them with a knife,which is so unrealistic,he can't even get a knife if he tried, and if he had one, he wouldn't kill others with it" I look over at kellin.

"now?" I ask

"now,he won't bite you, well I mean that's not the problem he is in for anyways" he says softly and I get up and make my way over to kellin.

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