The Kissing Booth - Chasing Noah

Chapter 17

A/N: This is the edited version of Chapter 38, 40, and 41.

...

The walk back to the hotel was awkward. You could cut the tension with a knife. I think partly because we weren't exactly sure what our relationship status right now was, but also partly because we were obviously craving each other. Noah's hand kept drifting to the small of my back, massaging my hip. He usually did that when he was hot. He knew that even though it was a pretty innocent act, it turned me on. I quickened my pace because I knew Noah was just going slower so that I could keep up.

"Elle?" he spoke. I slowed to a stop so that I could face him. The tone of his voice scared me.

"Yeah?" I asked. His eyes were loving and sympathetic.

"We don't have to do this right now. We can talk first," he offered. I don't know if he was offering for me or for himself. "I just want to know what we are before I have sex with you. I don't like the idea of you just being a one night stand." I laughed, but it was forced. I couldn't really see myself ever sleeping with Noah when he wasn't my boyfriend. Then again, I thought I'd never see Noah not being my boyfriend. I really hope that this wasn't one of those 'all good things have to come to an end'. The truth was, not being with Noah scared me more than being with Noah when he was overbearing. I'd much rather have him care too much than to not have him at all. In our own way, we were best friends. Losing him would be like losing a piece of me. I don't know why I ever thought breaking up with him would fix anything.

"Elle? Are you okay?" he asked.

"What? Oh! Yeah! Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking," I stumbled.

"You must have been thinking pretty hard. You fell over," he laughed. I suddenly realized that I was awkwardly leaning on him. My legs had gone limp beneath me. I gathered myself and pushed myself away from him. If I let on that something was going on with me, I might never get him into bed. Which sounded really bad. I still wanted to have this talk, but I don't think that I could make it through an entire conversation with him sitting there looking so goddamn good. But I was going to have to. I owed him that after the way I threw away our relationship like it meant nothing to me.

"I'm fine. I'm sorry. I just feel a little lightheaded from not eating lunch. Do you think we could order room service?" I asked. He smirked at me and laughed.

"Of course," he said, taking my hand. We walked for a bit before either of us said anything. "So how was Trinity?" I smiled up at him. It meant the world to me that he was trying to see how much I wanted this.

"It was gorgeous. I mean not as beautiful as Harvard, but gorgeous in it's own way, you know?" I murmured. When I was talking to the teachers and they were telling me all about the extra programs that they offer so that we can get experience with kids, I knew that it was going to be an amazing fit for me. And I could calmly tell Noah that, without biting anyone's head off. I think now that he's seen how committed I am to Trinity it'll be easier for him to realize that this really is a decision I made for myself.

I felt so grown up; realizing my mistakes. If only I had been grown up from the beginning and not have made the mistake in the first place. I couldn't believe how stupid and immature I had been. If my mom was still here, I know this would have been one thing that wouldn't have made her proud. Thinking of my mom now, I remembered what she had said in her letter. What she had said about Noah; I think somehow she knew that I was going to end up with him. And that made me feel closer to her than ever.

"Maybe we can hangout sometime when you move out here," he suggested.

"Hangout?" I gasped. "You sound like we're friends hearing from each other for the first time in ten years." I was laughing, but when I saw his face I knew I had struck a chord. Of course I said the wrong thing. I always did in moments like this.