Cinderella's Diary

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            Charles kept on calling. Even now, my phone beeps to signal his call. I didn’t answer. Not picking up was all I could do to avoid him at the moment. Surely, my resolve to stay away for awhile—wasn’t in vain. Our kiss, his kiss lingered in my mind. I couldn’t put it aside. And seeing him afterwards, only meant more trouble. There’s no stopping a fire once it’s started. Better not go there at all. This wasn’t how I was raised, I knew better than to go right in…and jump into his kiss. Heavens, I’m human too, be good to me. I can’t stop thinking about him…or his lips for that matter.

I most certainly needed a distraction. At crucial times like these; I succumbed to my indulgent reading. I was always a sucker for fantasy stories. Kings, princes, and knights always fascinated me. With their chivalry, honor and strength in protecting their realms—it was the closest I could compare to the men in the bible. Of course, not in everything, a handful would strike down and burn a village, rape women and murder all men around them. But the way they loved their women, it was my dream. To taste such sweet, sweet longing without a tinge of lust, I wasn’t into the whole love, lust and passion forefronts of media. True love to me, was something deeper. Something more precious that wasn’t all about getting in each other’s pants and sweating naked bodies. God was love to me and His kind of love was what I believed to be a love so true.

One that was pure and unadulterated, steadfast in the test of time. I wanted nothing of the modern notion of love. I felt alive in the ages past, in the reading of ancient men who courted women to marry them. That for me was the only allowable reason for dating or courtship. I did not believe in dating. So, I broke it off with Patrick…the moment he tried to kiss me in his car. But, with Charles though…I couldn’t shake the feeling of wanting it too—I wanted more. It was my first kiss, my first for everything. At the age of twenty and seven—I have remained a virgin. And hopefully pure enough in spirit as well; for these things were important to me. The first time, Patrick had asked to date me. I turned him down several times. It was only in the constant pressure of working together, that I finally consented to see him a few times. Being with him wasn’t bad. On the contrary—it served some form of test. Patrick Dela Fiente was blessed with gorgeous looks. A winning smile with perfectly white teeth and a voice so sexy, it could turn women on a mile away. Or so they say in the office, but he didn’t appeal to me in as much as he did in most women.

He was a ladies man. And that was something I wouldn’t go in for. In all honesty, I thought women to fall for such men stupid and without self-worth. Excuse my prejudice, I don’t mean to judge for I’m gullible myself at rare times. Still, a woman should have enough sense to realize when a man only wants to fool around with her. No, I didn’t learn this in silly dating books or heaven-forbid, cosmopolitan magazines that implied women’s beauty and sexuality was a tool to flaunt and attract men with. Granted, that beauty isn’t always bad. Heck, even I long to be beautiful. But real beauty lies within the purity of one’s heart. That simple and quiet spirit that loves the Lord more than anything and above all else—for a god-fearing woman is to be praised. So I hardly understood the ways of the world. It was the exact opposite. And it saddened me, that a time. I too, was a slave for such deceit and lies. Back in the last two years of college, I’ve put too much emphasis on my weight. Heart-broken and pained for Charles’ choosing Katherine…I developed anorexia. But it’s gone now. With only the right amount of caring of the human body, for this is the temple of the Holy Spirit. People had best take good care of it. My fingers slip through each spine among a dozens of books. Not one has impressed me as of late. I have George R. R. Martin to blame for that. A world class writer as good as him, can change the face of writing and reading altogether.