serenity // luke hemmings

2.08

From: Alexandra White <alex_andra.white@gotmail.com>
Sent: Friday, 9 October 2015
To: Luke Hemmings <lukehemmings@hmail.com>
Subject: idk

What are we doing Luke? What is this?

I know we've said this this is undefinable, I know that. We always assumed it was a good thing, something special and uniquely us.

What if it isn't?

What if we can't put a label on this or define it because it's wrong, because it shouldn't exist? We never even gave this a second thought, what if we should have Luke?

What are we doing?

I listened to the song. I listened to all the different versions you told me to listen to. I listened to it on repeat for days. I listened to it and I cried and I listened to it some more. I listened to it until the point that I could hear your voice and Calum's voice in my head, singing those lyrics at me.

I don't know what to tell you, Luke. I can't be your home. I just can't. I can barely figure out where I belong without the added pressure of being where you want to be. We can't shine, not you and me. Not when I've got this darkness. This doesn't make sense, even as I'm writing it, I know it doesn't. I don't know how to make this make sense, any of it.

This is ridiculous, this whole thing. You and me, we don't make sense.

I shouldn't be freaking out about this Luke, but I am. Even my freaking out doesn't make sense. I already slept with you and I already care, obviously. So why am I now freaking about these emotions?  Why has it all become too much now?

I barely even know you. You know even less about me. How can I possibly feel this way about you when I hardly know you? There's no way I can justify this to myself. I shouldn't miss someone that I barely know. You've been gone for longer than the total time we spent together, I shouldn't feel this way.

You deserve someone who has faith in this, in us. And I do, but I don't. Does that make any kind of sense? You were able to understand me even after my words failed me once, can you do it again?

I'm so scared, Luke. I'm scared because I don't know what this is and I'm scared of how I feel about you because I've never felt like this about anyone. Not one single person, and I shouldn't feel that way about someone I hardly know and someone I'll hardly ever see.

You never saw this side of me. I was getting to this point when I met you and I guess you pressed pause for a little while, but now I'm right back where I started.

This is all over the place. I'm all over the place. I'm so sorry.

-

sorry to pair such happy news with such a sad/short chapter, but guys, this story now has over 1k reads!!!

now i know that it might not seem like a lot in comparison to some of the other stories out there, but it really means so much to me that over 1000 people have taken the time to look at something i've written and i seriously can't say thank you enough to the people who read this :)

thanks again :)