Hope Begins to Fade

Storms Won't Last

I woke up covered in a pile of man. Solid arms, legs, chest. It was as though Matt was surrounding me. His breath was tickling the back of my neck and I liked it far more than I should have done. It should have been pleasant, comforting, and it was but I shouldn't have wanted to turn in his arms and wrap myself just as firmly around him as he was wrapped around me. I shouldn't have wanted to find out if the erection pressing against me was a simple biological reaction or if it meant something more.

My heart was racing as I struggled free of his grip. I wasn't going to be that girl. I wasn't going to make a move on him, it was too soon and he was my friend. He'd be uncomfortable, I'd hate myself and our friendship would be finished. Still knowing that making a move on him would be a bad thing didn't stop the longing that gripped me as stepped into a pair of shorts from the top of my clean washing pile. My cheeks heated when I realised I wasn't wearing knickers and had spent the entire night that way as Matt held me close. I stepped into my ugg boots smiling as I thought of my grandmother who'd given them to me after extracting a promise from me to never wear them outside the confines of the house, not even for a 'there's no milk for my tea' emergency trip to the shops. Matt's flannel shirt was draped across the arm chair in my sitting area where he'd obviously discarded it before his mercy mission into my shower. I threaded my arms through the sleeves and with one final glance at the gorgeous man slumbering in my bed I padded silently from my room in search of a cup of tea. Hopefully we had milk in the fridge so I didn't have to go back on my promise to Gran.

Cup of tea in hand I snagged a blanket from the sofa and went outside to curl up on the day bed in the pool cabana and enjoy the early morning silence. The barest breeze was disturbing the surface of the pool. I was surprised how cool the morning was, I'd expected higher spring temperatures in California. I wrapped Matt's flannel more tightly around myself and breathed in the scent of him that clung to the fabric. I was mentally berating myself for developing feelings for my unavailable boss when the sound of a throat clearing interrupted my thoughts. It was Brian, he had a serious case of bed head and his face was streaked with rainbow coloured glitter.

"Good morning," he said his face impassive which was a definite step up from his glares.

"Morning," I responded cautiously. I had no idea if he'd gotten up early to continue hating on me.

"Mind if I sit?" he asked gesturing to the spot beside me on the day bed.

"Be my guest." I tucked my blanket more firmly around my legs.

He sat down and the small curl of his lips indicated his friendly intentions. "Wow, early mornings in the pool cabana. It brings back memories," he mused. I raised my eyebrows at him with an unspoken question.

"Steph and I fell asleep out here a few times last fall," he clarified.

"I'm surprised you didn't die of hypothermia," I said. If he was going to engage me in conversation I wasn't going to throw it back in his face.

He gave a snort of laughter. "It's not that bad Caitie."

"Speak for yourself I grew up in a warm climate." I retorted.

"In case you missed it this is southern California and I grew up here." His chuckles continued.

"Yes well clearly ice flows through your veins."

His smile dimmed a little and he replied, "I can understand why you might think that. I'm sorry. I've been an asshole toward you and you didn't deserve any of it."

I looked at him in astonishment. I'd been hoping that we could all just pretend the conflict had never happened rather than having to discuss it all again. I was a coward that way. Kelly was far more adept at expressing emotion, sometimes too adept, if you Googled 'drama queen' you may have found a photo of her. Kelly wasn't frightened of sharing her feelings. My general preference was to not discuss my feelings, which was probably the main reason I'd avoided discussing Tim's death and the accident in the first place. My usual strategy when faced with emotionally difficult situations was to curl up into a metaphorical ball and hide until things were less fraught. It was probably why I was hiding in the pool cabana while Matt snored like a chainsaw in my bed.