I wake up the next morning and don’t remember a thing from last night, other than getting shit faced in my bathtub, but I do that every night. When I wake up I see it’s only 3am and I don’t have to get up until 7. I have four more hours, and I’m not tired. Since I can’t fall back asleep, I sneak into my kitchen being careful to not awaken my father who is passed out on the living room sofa, grab a bottle of water and my cigarettes and walk out of the house my earbuds in and my water bottle in hand. Yeah, I know it’s like 3:20 in the morning, but, I need to get out. I walk down the road and before I knew where I was even headed, I was at this little park down the road from my house. There were so many good memories in this park. I walk over to the little swing set and light up a cigarette. This helps me release so much stress. I woke up from one of my usual nightmares. They start off pretty good then they go a bit like this.
*nightmare*
I open my eyes and I’m in the park my mom and I would play at that is down the road from my house. I was 7 again. I was on the swings, my favorite place at the park. My mom was pushing me on the swing and we were smiling and laughing and everything seemed fine. Then all of the sudden, everything twisted, it became gloomy, and dark, my mom had disappeared, and I was on the floor of my home, bruises and cuts all over my body. I look up to see my dad standing over me with a wooden bat about to swing at me another time. “You did this! It’s all your fault!” he yelled. “You’re the reason your mother isn’t here anymore! I can’t believe you! You worthless piece of shit. You deserve every single bit of this.” he said as he swung again. Everything went black after that.
*end of nightmare*
And that’s where I wake up every single time. It’s been 5 years since my mom had passed. She was the one I looked up to. She was my inspiration. She got in a car wreck and died on impact. My dad blamed me for it. He abused me and still does. He tells me it’s all my fault that she’s gone. He also abuses me because I’m not good enough, and can’t do anything right. But, I guess he’s right. I’m barely passing the 11th grade. I don’t have a good enough job, and am an outcast.
I look at my phone and see it’s 5:30. I need to go home and get a shower and start getting ready. So, I get up and start the short walk back home. When I get into the house, my dad is still passed out drunk on the couch. So I sneak back into my bathroom and get a shower and dry and straighten my hair. By this time it’s 6:30. I apply my make up. Then go to my closet to pick out an outfit for today. I decide on my Nirvana t-shirt, black skinny jeans, and a black baggy jacket. I grab my cigarettes, phone, bottle of water, bag, and walk out the door and head to school.
I get to school, go through the normal, boring, friendless schedule. After school I have to go to my job at this rundown gas station a couple blocks down from the school. When I get there I go to the bathrooms to change into the black polo shirt that we have to wear and put my black jacket back on since tattoos aren’t aloud to show at work and I have a coupleof them on my arms, maybe about 10 total on both arms. Then I go behind the counter and clock in then wait for someone to show up. My shift started at 3:20 and ends at 9. And around these times we get NO customers. It’s 5:30 and I have only had ONE person come in. Since I’m the only one working today, I don’t get one fucking break. This is hell. Then someone walked in. He was very tall, had tattoos. And his hair sort of simi spiked on his head. Let’s be honest, he was hot. He went to the back refrigerators and grabbed 5 monsters and came to the counter. I rung up the drinks, put them into the bag and then looked up to tell him how much he owed. When I did, he made eye contact and it seemed almost unbreakable. But then I realized that this was stupid, and I needed to stop gawking. “Your total is 5$.” I say. He didn’t answer, he was still staring at me... This is is getting reaalllllyyyy awkward. “Umm... Sir..” I question waving my hand in front of his face. “Oh, uhh, how much did you say?” He asked scratching the back of his neck nervously and blushing. “5$ please.” I say. He pulls his wallet out and hands me a 5 dollar bill. “Umm, well, I know I probably seem like some creep. But.. You’re really really pretty, and uh... Well, my name’s Austin, and here’s my number. What’s yours?” He blurted out. Did he really just ask me for my number? “Umm...” I say hesitating. “It’s totally okay if you think I’m a creep. I’ll just leave now.” He said disappointed and walking away. “Wait!” I say coming out from behind the counter grabbing his arm and pulling him around. “Here’s my number. By the way, my name’s Eliza.” I say and walk back behind the counter and get back to work after he walks out. I wonder if I will ever see him again.. Probably not. This was probably just a sick joke that one of his friends in the van he came out of before he walked in.
