The Nanny

Chapter Thirty Four

Today we are attending a dinner party, that Sarah organized. Only Ahmed's immediate family will be there, all his brothers, along with their wives and children.

I wore a mauve tulle skirt, that matched with a white lace top. I just finished combing my hair and tying it into a bun, then I put on a silk black hijab. I did my makeup — light and neutral. I look at my reflection on the mirror and smile limply. To be honest I am not eager to attend the dinner party. Right now all I am is a woeful and glum bride. I just want to sit down, without being reminded one way or another, that I am a bride and my husband is Ahmed.
The game of silence began, this time it was I who started it. Two days have passed, without talking, though small-talk was present. There's nothing left to say...

He doesn't spend the day in the villa, he either goes out with Imad or just goes out alone, when we part ways — when I go out with Sarah. I don't know where he goes, but when he goes out alone, Ahmed comes back at dawn after I have prayed fajr prayers. I don't feel the need to ask him about his whereabouts, it's not my business.

I miss familiarity, I miss my best-friend who knows exactly what to say to cheer me up. My mother's hugs, that I really need one right now. I miss my parents. That's my family... was my family. Now all I have left is Hudaa (alhamdulliah) and she isn't here. I thought I could do this alone, but it got harder the moment having hope in Ahmed, became illusive. How am I suppose to have dinner with him accompanied with his relatives, when I can't even look at him.

Howbeit, you know what my mum would say to me if she were here with me, she would tell to have patience and give Ahmed time and that marriage isn't easy and it takes a lot of sabr (endurance).

I sniffled quietly, tears threatening to fall from my eyes. I didn't want to cry, my eyes would swell and turn red. I head to the bathroom and get a tissue, just in case... I force a smile, practicing for the dinner party. After regaining control of my emotions, I put on my shoes and go to check on Imad. He should be ready by now. I knocked on his door and spoke: "Imad are you ready?" I asked as I entered the bedroom.

"Yes I am," he replied, walking out of the bathroom. Wearing a Batman t-shirt and dark-blue jeans.

"You look nice," I told him and smiled. He ran over to me and hugs me.

"Layla you look like a princess," he spoke and looked up at me.

"Thank you." I smiled genuinely. "Put on your shoes and come downstairs to wait for your Uncle Ahmed."

"Okay!" He yelled excitedly, and put on his shoes. I made my way downstairs, I wore three inch heels that Sarah made me buy. Thanks to Hudaa, I am less likely to fall down the stairs because my best friend made sure I wore heels at some point of my life. I got downstairs, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Imad rushed down the stairs and went to the living room balcony, he loves it there.

The main door opened, and Ahmed walked in. Already dressed, wearing a suit and holding a bouquet of red roses. Ahmed looked like one of those guys from a romantic movie, you know the one where the guy gets all dressed up to make a grand gesture for the girl. "Hi," he says, and closes the door.

"Hey," I reply and shift my gaze to my cold hands, clenching my clutch bag. I walk cautiously towards the living room, making sure that I don't fall. Ahmed strides over to me and stands in front of me, he says nothing for a while. I could feel his stare, that makes me self-conscious, at times.

"These are for you," he said, handing me the bouquet of roses.

"Thank you?" I spoke hesitant. Why would he get me flowers?

"Yeah we should get going," he spoke, walking away without an explanation for the flowers. I nodded my head, in agreement. As I took a step to walk, I tripped over my skirt and lost my balance. Ahmed turned swiftly and promptly put his hand on my waist and held me against his chest. I kept my hand on his chest, to keep some distant. His hand still on my waist and our gazed locked. Barely blinking, his eyes were like falling stars, that couldn't hold themselves up anymore. They were dim and tired, probably worn from days of regret of poor decision. I was tied up in knots, for a little while. I felt overwrought, my heart pounded. I gathered the little courage I had and stepped back, his hand leaving my waist instantly and his gaze shifting.