the body guard and the leader(tomtord future au)

chapter 12: feelings that should die

(tord's pov)

tord stood at the meeting spot where tom said he would be as he lights up a cigarette as his mind wanders to tom's cute smile his sweet laugh his nice body he felt his cheeks warm up as he exhaled feeling tears threat to pour out as he rubbed his forehead "what have i done..." he whispered

it was a good thing he was alone but it was the worst feeling that he still loved that small man and that man loved him more than he ever thought as he punched himself to snap out of it as he sighed he did everything to try to stop that man from loving him but that man always fell helplessly in his arms expecting a leader of the army to show more love but tord refuge in fear of tom becoming a target for enemies to make tord more weak in fear of the man getting hurt or worse that they end up killing tom

"thats why i have to do it" he whispered his voice shaking with anger and fear "i have to end him before anyone else can it will pain me but i cant let him suffer anymore" he saw the familiar figure heads towards him as he stood up straight "this has to be done....not only for me but for him to" his voice echoed in his mind as tom became face to face with him "tom" his voice shook but he made sure it shook with rage.

tom gulped as he starred at tord "tord..." he sounded lonely and tord just wanted to hug him close and apologize to him so much but he couldnt he cant let himself or tom suffer anymore he raised his pistol to tom's head as tom slowly got to his knees "this is it isnt it tord?" he whispered looking at the man with the gun 

'NO THIS IS NOT WHAT I WANT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND PLEASE UNDERSTAND I AM DOING IT FOR US' he screamed in his head as he gulps "so it has come" he whispered softly as he kept a stare of dread "any last words tom?" he whispered 

"i have more than one" tom kept his stare "give me permission to speak to you for the last" he exhaled as tord nodded sternly as tom looked straight into tord's eyes making tord freeze "tord...i..." he gulps tears were streaming down his face "i want to say thank you thank you for pretending to care and love me when i was suffering to be there for me" he smiled more tears rolling down his face "you were my only lover and i never moved on after you" he choked a bit from sobbing "i love you tord larssin (changed his last name) i love you so much if only you kept pretending to love me" his voice softened "if only....if only you could of told me soon than later i always fantasized walking up aisles to be greeted by the man i fell in love with to get married to you but i know now...i know now it would never happen so tell me tord...have you ever loved me like you used to say before.." he kept starring "or shall you end it here and leave it lingering in my corpses mind forever" tord was the one who broke the stare as he made sure his eyepatch was only seen as tears rolled down his face "so tell me tord...did you love me more than power or did you love power more" he choked more on his sobs as tord closed his eyes tightly.

"i did" he whispered "i did...." he chokes on his sob "goddammit everything i said when we were dating were true goddammit" he turned to face tom seeing the shocked look in tom's eyes "goddammit you were the best thing that ever happened to me" he smiled a bit making tom smile softly "in just wish i never made this army out of selfishness i wish i never left you i wish i never hurt you oh god am so fucking horrible" tord dropped the gun as he cups tom's cheek "i love you till the day i die and i will never stop ever..." at this it made tom sob more hugging the large man as he hugged tom back sobbing "am sorry i was so fucking cruel... i never got over you and i knew you didnt either" he whispered "ill make it up to you" he whispered in tom's ear 

tom nodded "ok" he whispered