Silence

Chapter 1

Dear, Diary

Yesterday I lost my virginity , not to the boy I loved but the one I trusted, My best friend Nathan. I want to tell someone, anyone but what would I say?

What should i start off with?, what happened or what he did to me?....

It was about 8:00 pm and my best friend Nathan walked me home from the movies. Yesterday was the first day I put my insecurities to the side, and wore those white high waist shorts that always showed my small stretch marks at the side of my legs. That day was a care free day with my best friend, so I actually took my hair out my messy bun and put some makeup on ( if I say myself it took forever!).

I was enjoying my self we laughed like we used to, and I smiled like I used to. Sadly I wore my black sweater to cover my cuts but he was the only one that understood. When I would cut he would kiss my scars and always say " Natalie those cuts hurt me more than you" and I would laugh but his face was always serious.

As we walked he tried to hold my hand but I didn't feel right And I had to remember David, and what he would think of me. So we walked on and as we got closer to my house we seen that the street was blocked off, the only way around was Connors alleyway and it was pretty damn dark so I walked closer to Nathan and he didn't complain. Until he stopped me and said "I love you" I hesitated then I said " I love you too bro" and I punched him in the arm.

He looked at me but the lights in his eyes were gone and replaced by anger, I backed up a bit from him to just make him come closer. ( I'm not gonna lie I was fucking scared! Nathan is 6'3 and I'm 5'7) Nathan grabbed both my hands in one of his, and kissed me so hard my lips hurt. He backed up still holding me, he grabbed my neck and threw me into the brick wall, I sat on the cold concrete floor hurt mentally and physically of what the person who held me at night when I cut to deep just physically harmed me, this is the person who shoved their fingers down my throat when I took to much pain pills to take away the pain I had inside of me.

He unzipped his pants and stood over me then he ripped the buttons off my shorts, he pulled my pink hello kitty underwear off, he watched me as I cried and he smiled while I tried to push him off of me. I screamed at the top of my lungs "stop please!" But no one came to my help, I laid there still crying but I started to scream as he went inside of me, he had no condom on and I could feel every part of him inside of me. I could see him getting even more upset because he couldn't fit so he pushed harder and I cried louder this went on for a half an hour, when he was finally done and god answered my prayers, he got up and zipped up his pants and pulled me up off the dirty floor he gave me one more last kiss but it was on my neck and it didn't feel like a kiss it was much worse, he fucking bit me like he was hoping for me to bleed and I did start to bleed; I could feel the blood drain down my neck and on the my shirt but he licked it and kissed it. I ran home as fast as I could with Nathan following me and blood all over my white shorts, I took my keys out and opened the door as fast as I could and I locked that fucking door so fast and ran to my room.

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I've been in my room for 18 hours watching my blue walls slowly close in on me. I haven't eaten or spoken to anyone, I turned my phone off and I've taken a shower about 5 times so far i just feel so dirty and i just cant get it off. I've cut my stomach, legs, and arms. I haven't stopped crying and I didn't think I would ever stop. My mom won't stop knocking on my door and it's getting annoying to hear every 20 minutes "honey are you okay?" To be honest I'm not okay I'm scared of whats going to happen next, and who's going to find out.

30 minutes later....

"Natalie, David is here. Do you want to talk to him?"

(No I don't) it's okay mom let him in.

(Door opens)

"Hey Natalie how are you?"

"I'm ok, ummm... my stomach really hurts. I think it's cramps."

"Oh your period is on"

"Umm... yeah I guess. Dave I'd love you to stay with me and enjoy my period with me but I think you should go, ill call you later ok?"

"Oh, okay babe I love you"

"I love you too"

I don't want David to find out about what happened last night, he'll blame me for my own rape, he'll probably say I lead Nathan on. Shit! What do I do. I turned on my phone and it took forever, as soon as the little apple sign disappeared messages after messages kept popping up and it was from only one person Nathan. Nathan called me 15 times but he only left one voice mail and it said

" if you think I'm that fucking stupid to let you run away, you've got one thing coming Natalie. when you somehow think you're safe, I want you to think again because I'm always watching and ill always know where you are, so if I were you I wouldn't tell a soul."

My blood went cold, my heart started racing, and I instantly got a headache. Nathan was coming for me I didn't know when, where, or how but all hell is about to break loose.

I hope y'all like it, this is my first real book and I would like if you guys had any suggestions. please comment, vote, and add to your library. Thank you!

-Michaela