Stockholm Syndrome (Jalex)

Day Twenty Three

Alex. Day Twenty Three - 3:46

"Disgusting." The word left my lips for what felt like the thousandth time tonight, but with a mind as intoxicated as mine, it was particularly difficult to keep count.

"Disgusting!" There it came again, but this time with more force, more venom, more meaning; the power behind the word seemed to increase with every occasion in which it left my lips.

"Disgusting." The third time within this minute seemed like just enough, and the look on little precious Jacky's face was enough to sell me right into satisfaction, even if it was nothing but false: the world is made of fakery alone, so any change in that matter, would be nothing short of alarming.

It was the only word on my lips; the only word that could truly harness the betrayal I felt towards Jack - the way he'd screwed this all up, letting Cassadee go despite my explicit instructions not to. He'd been disobedient, and the truth lay in nothing other than the fact that I really would just have to put a stop to that.

Disobedience did warrant punishment; that just came naturally - an unspoken rule of humanity, or at least in my mind it was so. And he'd committed the felony against me, so therefore my opinion was the one to matter, and of course it wasn't like there was anyone else around here to offer their opinion any more.

Maybe if number seven were still around, I would have allowed her to offer her input, and we'd see where we could go from there, but Jack had been arrogant enough to make a stupid decision and ensure that Casssadee was no more. In fact, if she was still around, you know what, we wouldn't be in this mess in the first place, so honestly, he's nothing but to blame for his own actions.

The boy's what? In his twenties by now? I presume so anyway, maybe I should force myself into feeling just a little bit more guilty towards my apparent inability to show any compassion whatsoever, but really guilt leads you down a long hard road into compassion and all kinds of equally worthless emotions, that all in all, are really not efficient in the slightest.

My apathy is an advantage. Apathy, of course, is always advantageous. Perhaps that's why it's socially outlawed; leaving the secret of success to the one's who can break out of the confines of a strict society and earn it - people like me.

Even God's on my side; he has his angels lined up for my protection and if I would ever need a sign that this is the right path, this is really all I need.

If the highest being in reality is on my side, then I'm in the power, I'm in the advantageous, the apathy, and I have the edge. This is right, and none of Jack's little human pleads otherwise can shake me.

Love is also unnecessary, especially what little I feel towards Jack - in fact, that's just pathetic, and really entirely his own concoction. I was just being civil to him, and therefore, he does in fact owe me. He owes me big time, and of course as the greedy, selfish little human he is, I return home - tired, intoxicated, and in state dependant of his care and what do I find?

I find him shaking; in the hallway shaking, and I almost tripped over him, and I almost felt bad, but in fact now, maybe now I wish I did; I wish I'd taught the brat a goddamn lesson, maybe I never should have let him freely around the house.

My trust is of course, again, wasted.

And the words that leave his lips as I meet his pathetically shaking figure are few in quantity but huge in meaning and that's enough to topple my whole mentality over for a few moments.

"I let her go."

He didn't even meet my eyes and explanation was simply unnecessary, because there was only one female for Jack now - number seven.