Solace

Blaze

It was oblivion & I. So dark that I started to fade. My existence started to blur from this picture perfect world. Darkness was everything. Darkness was everywhere. It stretched for miles & miles & miles & miles yet there was absolutely no place to go to. I was immobilized in that very spot. I was alone & I knew it, but I was not lonely. Somehow I felt a sweet warm feeling inside my heart. Like I had been filled finally. I was home again.

Suddenly, warmth enveloped me like a friendly fire had been set in my very existance. It wrapped me up in its gentle embrace like a mother & its embryo. The flames licked at my heart lovingly. Fire was a gentle being, but it could get aggressive when tampered with. It was my protector. The flames were my golden rock. So bright that even with my eyes shut I could still feel & see its powerful blaze.

I opened my eyes to the brightest star of them all. He was the sun beyond the sun & past the darkness. His love for me burned brighter that any other flame. I was his fuel. Together we were a well-maintained promise that both sides are strongly equal. He was my protector. He was my reason. He shone brightly in my life despite the overwhelming darkness. I was simply his muse. That one factor in his life that kept him going. I was his fuel.

Brian's strong arms held me in place & safe from harm's way. Golden somber sunlight shone directly at my face from our opened window blinds. It cast a white glow in our bunks, the shadows short & light. It hurt a little to even look at anything. But, looking at my lover did not make me lose anything. I gained happiness whenever I looked at him. It was a huge accomplishment to have someone as beautiful as he was. Inside & outside. The best of all that he had ever given to me was his beautiful personality. He was so intelligent, witty, fun, wild, crazy, responsible, & smart. He cared for me so much that it was insane. The way he made me felt around him was another thing. Brian cared for me. That was enough reason to love him. He cared. Not a lot of people had done that for me. My own parents & so many past lovers hardly cared for me. Fuck, I wasn't even sure if they loved me. But Brian... he was something. He actually loved me. I felt it. I felt his love filling me. His beautiful self loved & accepted the way I was. He accepted my childish behavior, wrong ways, & faulty action. He loved me for who I was & that was reason enough to love me. Not a lot of people were capable of accepting me. They never understood me. But Brian did & he loved me full well because of that. That was what I loved about him. He always understood things before he went & judged them. He always tries to have more knowledge towards things to have a better view of them. So he understood me. He empathized. He related to what I had to say. But most of all, he accepted me. That was more than I could ever ask of someone. Brian slept soundly like the angel he was. It did surprise me how people called him such strong names. Maybe they misunderstood. They were not as brilliant or as understanding as he was. Brian was something else. Like I said, he was the most beautiful, talented, & intelligent man I know. Most of all, he was my lover.

The most beautiful man on earth was here for me. He could be with anybody he pleased to be with, yet he chose to be with me.

The cheap thin blankets were lazily draped over us & our pillows lay flat under our heads. We needed to buy new bedding, but Brian said that this would have to do for now. It was only a short while until we'd be able to go back home in our mansion in California. So we had to bare with our crappy ass bedding that only covered part of our bodies. The bunk & the blanket was made for one person & one person only... that was pretty clear when we were sweaty after a live performance & wanted some time to rest together. We'd have to lay in out bunks with a sideways blanket that only covered our legs or having to fight for a nice warm blanket that only covered about half of both of our bodies. But I guess that was fine as long as we were together. I wouldn't trade his company for comfort, let alone anything. Besides, even if it were too cold to have cheap blankets, I had him to warm me up.