[Del]'s Diary

ENTRY SIXTY-EIGHT

Charlie paces on the mustard shag carpet across from Sugar. It is night and the clock on the wall says 3:45. Charlie is shouting and waving his arms, and Sugar’s cheeks are wet.

“What am I to think? I come home. You are gone. The baby is strapped in his chair, in hysterics, for God knows how long. Your car is found at the side of the highway? Then no word from you in four days?” Charlie’s voice rises to a crescendo vibrating with anger.

Sugar just sobs into her hands as he continues to rail against her. Her body feels like she’s been weeping for hours. I can only imagine how long this conversation has gone on before I got here. Charlie seems worn down and his voice is thin and reedy as he continues, “It’s bad enough you would do this when we were first married. I tolerated it then against my better judgment thinking if only I gave you a bit of freedom...But I would never have believed you capable of endangering our child—”

Sugar finally lashes out, “—I wouldn’t! I didn't! You have to believe me.”

“Then explain yourself!”

“I can’t! There is no explanation. I remember nothing!” It’s true. She doesn’t.

“Where were you?” he barks.

“I don’t know! I don’t know! I don’t know!” she screams while she beats her fists into a velvety couch cushion.

Charlie takes a deep breath and sits down opposite to her. “I just don't understand it. It’s like you are two different people sometimes.”

For a long while nothing is said. The only sound is the ticking of the grandfather clock in the corner of the room.

Finally, Charlie draws his hands together in front of his mouth and purses his lips. He takes a deep breath and says very quietly, “If...there is anything you could tell me that would help me to understand this situation, speak now. Or pack your things and get out.”

Sugar wipes her eyes and takes a deep breath. “You’ll never believe it.”

“Try me.”

Another deep breath. And then a small laugh of credulity. Then a serious whisper, “I used to work for the CIA. THey used to perform experiments...”

Charlie just sits. The information washes over him like he's a stone in a river. He doesn't move for the longest time while Sugar’s stomach rolls and tightens.

Finally, he stands up. Walks to the hallway closet and pulls out a suitcase.

Sugar sobs, “I knew you would never believe me.”

She stays on the couch. We can hear him in the bedroom, emptying the drawers of clothes into the suitcase.

Then Charlie is before her with the chaotically stuffed suitcase in hand.

“Out.”

She refuses to move.

“Out now!”

She shakes her head. He puts down the suitcase. Grabs hold of her arm. She clings to the couch. He pulls and tugs at her body. Then he’s slapping her hands to loosen her grip. She lets go of the couch and clings onto him. Wraps herself around him with everything she has and plants kisses up and down his neck. I can taste his salty tears while Charlie struggles to detangle her from his body.

They collapse onto the couch and Charlie stops struggling. “I need you to go,” he whimpers.

“I’m not leaving you. I did work for the CIA and I’ll prove it. You have to let me prove it to you. You have to give me the chance.”

“Yeah, how? How are you going to prove it.” I feel his body shifting. Letting go. He is too worn out to continue fighting her.

Sugar looks into his eyes. She doesn’t have the faintest idea.

[Deleted]