Dreamcatchers

Part 10

I spent the rest of April teaching, studying, and pining for Matthew.
I had hoped that over time my two days with Matthew would fade and I would realize that I had never truly been in love with the man, but I began to realize how naive I was being.  What I felt for Matthew then was no stronger than what I felt now.  Perhaps I loved him even more now.  The strength he showed at the trial by testifying in front of the man who kidnapped him proved what I already knew about him.  He was brave, sure a bit broken, but able to be fixed.  He just needed to realize that about himself.
It was a beautiful May morning and the semester was a few days from being completed.  I was reviewing for the final with my developmental psychology students.  "Jean Piaget discovered through his research that intelligence is not fixed. Intelligence can grow as our brains and bodies mature.  However, his theory does not focus on all learners, but is geared toward the learning process of children.  Instead of learning, he discusses development.  The four stages of cognitive development proposed by Piaget are sensorimotor, preoperational, concrete operational, and formal operational.  Children reach each stage as they mature in their development, which in turn increases the ability of children to process more abstract information."
I could see a hand peeking up from the darkness in the back of the room.  "Can Piaget's theory be applied to emotion, or is it just development?"
I took a deep, calming breath at sound of the questioner's voice.  "Emotion, learning, and behavior were not the focus of Piaget's experiments and research, but since he does focus on development, one can make the hypothesis that the stages of development can be applied to emotion as well as the ability of a child to develop into a reasoning individual."
"Would trauma in childhood affect a child's ability to develop?  Would, say, his reasoning skills develop at a different rate than his emotional ones?"
"That is an interesting question, but in terms of our discussion on Piaget and preparation for the class final, the information is too abstract.  Think about taking more psychology classes in the future so you can delve deeper into that area of research.  Now, let's move from Piaget to to Lev Vygotsky and review his theory of how culture affects cognition."
The same male voice sounded from the back of the room.  "Actually, if we could discuss the fact that men are idiots and sometimes take longer to come to conclusions about certain things than women, I would really appreciate it."
I could feel my heart pounding in my chest.  He was standing now.  No longer was he another voice in a lecture hall, but a corporeal presence.  "Well, there has been research that shows the emotional maturity of men develops at a slower rate than that of women.  Men are also discouraged from emotional behavior unlike women of who it is expected.  That being the case, it could be argued that men are idiots in comparison to women in the field of emotional maturity.  Does that answer your question?"
He began to move closer.  His legs descending the stairs from the back to the front of the lecture hall.  "Yes, but I have another.  Do you believe that a man who has a traumatic past and has closed himself off for years because he thought he was too broken to be deserving of love move past that and fully accept love when it comes knocking?"
I could feel tears threatening to spill from my eyes.  I was at work teaching my students, but I was also starting to hear Matthew say the words I'd wanted him to say since the night I walked away from him months ago.  "Yes, I do believe that brokenness can heal and that everyone deserves a chance at a life with the person they love.  You just have to be willing to take the risk of being hurt.  You have to find the person who will help put your broken pieces back together."
"And what if I've found that person, but pushed her away because of my fear?"  He was standing within arms reach of my now.
"If she really is the right person, then she has already forgiven you because she knows the struggle you have been going through."
Matthew reached out and grasped both of my hands in both of his.  "Is that true?  Have you forgiven, Jaylyn?"
"Matthew, I forgave you months ago.  I just knew you needed to figure things out on your own."  My developmental psychology class was forgotten as I stared into the deepness of Matthew's eyes.
"Well, since you've forgiven me, would you be willing to give me a second chance?  I love you, Jaylyn Miles.  I've loved you since the moment you pushed yourself into my life.  I've been working with a therapist again and I a still have a long way to go, but you were right.  You don't need me to be whole for you.  We can be broken together and help each other put the pieces back together."
I moved with more speed than I've ever moved before and crushed my lips to his.  The kiss was brief, but filled with so much passion and promise.  Amidst the applause of my eighty students I said, "Matthew Connors, I would give you a third and a fourth chance if it meant I got to spend the rest of my life loving you as much as I do right now.  And I do.  I love you more than I ever thought possible."
With a kiss, we sealed our promise of love to each other and I dismissed my class.