Wilted Flowers [Edited]

8. Endless Loop

Making sure he's alone in the apartment, Louis checks every room before opening the refrigerator. He has a class in five minutes but decides to skip today. The energy it takes to walk three blocks requires too much effort. Besides, he can't focus mentally, either.

He sullenly reflects that this is his life now: pulling out a small food scale tucked in a drawer of the kitchen island, measuring his portions, and writing them down in his food log.

Scattered across the counter are items to make a lettuce wrap. The large leaves are going to be the base of the food. He squeezes a lemon over the shredded chicken before adding Roma tomatoes and onions.

He spreads the mixture out on top of the leaves and wraps it like a burrito. He takes his food over to the kitchen table and stares at it. He picks up the plate and brings it up to his nose: the smell of lemon zest hitting him immediately.

Words, adjectives, nouns coursing through his brain. Fat. Slimy. Disgusting. Protein. Don't. You're weak. You don't need that. The onions will give you indigestion. Can you handle this? There's a bullet with your name on it. Ana won' be happy with you. Nothing tastes as good as thin feels. Love Handles.

He pokes the wrap as if to see if it's alive, dead, or sleeping. He pushes his plate away and brings it back toward him when he feels his stomach growl. He reflects that yesterday was the first time he hadn't eaten anything in a while. He usually liked to keep it under 500 calories, but yesterday was a challenging day. His mind gave him soft praises.

He tears off a piece of lettuce and avoids the filling. He brings the leaf up to his mouth and begins to chew. He tries to not make a squeamish face at the flavorless texture and focus on the negative calorie count. He repeats the filling until there's nothing left except the filling.

Sweat drops down his brow as he continues to try and convince himself to eat the filling. His physical state is leaving him exhausted, listless, and weary. His mouth feels dry; he's thirsty.
.
(iMessage)
Louis: Hey Niall, where is the lavender tea?

Niall: Um...I think we're out. Want me to pick some up on my way home?

Louis: Pls

Niall: Don't you have student teaching today?

Louis: not going

Sighing, he places his phone down and bangs his head against the table, hoping the stomach pangs will soon pass. Instead, his hungry grows.

He walks into his room, collapsing on his bed without even bending his knees, just free falling. He buries himself deep into the pillow, screaming at nothing or no one.

He turns his head, laying on the pillow. He spots a purple flower on his nightstand that still looks fresh. He smiles as he picks it up and twirls around the stem. He remembers Harry giving it to him. He pulls up his clovers to his chin and notices that the robe Niall gave him is on his bed. He looks around the room, confused.

Hours later, Niall stumbles in, intensely kissing Maisie. Her long blonde falls down her back, her loud heels clicking on the floor. She grabs Niall by his black tie, pulling him toward her. He rests his thigh under the end of her tiny dress, taking her to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

"Wait, isn't Louis home?" She asks, pulling the kiss apart.

"He's probably asleep, don't worry. Relax," Niall breathes in, unbuttoning his shirt and black pants. "We did well today. We deserve to celebrate. Sold way over our quote of mobile phones, babe."

Maisie giggles in his chest, agreeing with him as she feels soft kisses on her cheeks.

As the couple continued to be intimate, Louis notices his art and trinkets shaking, causing him to become oriented once again. It isn't until he hears loud moaning that he realizes what is going on.

Grumbling under his breath, he wills his aching body to put on the appropriate attire before walking to campus, hoping maybe some time at the gym would do himself some good.

He looks around the equipment until he decided today would be time to ride the elliptical. One of his many physicians educated him on the safety of ellipticals, saying that they did not cause excess pressure on the joints and would help decrease impact injuries since his bones may or may not have enough calcium.

After twenty minutes of feeling like his thighs are on fire, he stops the machine. He gathers his bag and heads toward the vending machine, desperate for some water.

"Louis?" A chilling voice pierces through his ears.

He bends down to retrieve the water out of the small slot before turning around to be greeted by his previous teammate's jerseys.

"I've been so worried about you...." Clay moves forward, entrapping Louis against the vending machine. "I was wondering if we could talk in private," he whispers in his ear.

He hears his old teammates snicker, more than likely because he got benched, and they're happy he isn't a threat to them anymore. Louis knew his talent used to shine above them all.

"I've got to go...." Louis tries to turn away, but Clay cupped his chin with his hands. "I've changed, Lou. I promise. You're all I think about. Please give me the chance to prove to you that I have. Meet me at the diner at 8 tonight. You won't regret it."

Louis isn't sure how he feels. In front of him is the one person he had thought about with every day passing. Everyone has said that he's terrible, but there has to be something left of the man he once loved. Besides, absence makes the heart grow fonder.