Me: Hey dad...
Dad: What do you want? My car keys?
Me: *tears up* You know me so well.
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Dad: IF I CAN'T BRING THESE 20 BAGS OF GROCERIES INTO THE HOUSE AT ONE SHOT, IM NOT A MAN.
Ma' dad always does this XD
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Me: dad remember when I was 6, I killed a honeybee and you said no honey for a week?
Dad: yeah, why?
Me: remember when I killed a butterfly you said no butter for a week?
Dad: yes?...
Me: mum just killed a cockroach, how do I break it to her?
Dad: tell her I'm on my man period.
PURE WIN.
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Girl: How could you do this to me?! I trusted you Davin! I'm breaking up with you!!!
Girl: sorry wrong number.
Dad: it's okay Hun, let's go to walmart and get some bleach and gloves.
Dad: And don't forget the trashbags.
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Me: *screams* dad there's a moth outside the bathroom!!! Kill it please!!!
Dad: ...
Me: Dad???
Dad: *in darth vader voice* DAD IS DEAD. YOU'RE NEXT.
