Letters to Yuzuru

"I'm the one keeping secrets"

You get to the rink and you sit in your seat. You can't help, but think about your fight with Yuzuru last night. You wondered if he was still mad at you. He probably was, but you hope it wouldn't affect his skating. The competition starts and you see the skaters going on the ice to warm up. You see him start to skate around. You still remember his words from a couple of months ago.

"Just make sure you land that quad salchow for me"

"I will. Just for you"

You wonder if he'll land it. Probably not because if he thinks about you, you know he'll remember the fight and fall. As the warm-up ended, the competition starts. Yuzuru skates last and the competition seems really good. The skaters were great, but Yuzuru has a big chance to win. You were nervous, but you knew he could do it. The announcer calls his name and he skates onto the middle of the ice. You took a deep breath as the music started. You were watching him carefully as he set up for his quad salchow. . He jumps it and you whisper,

"Please land it"

and he falls. Your heart stops and for some reason, you feel like you're about to cry.

"Why can't he land that jump?" You think to yourself.

You push that out of your brain as he jumps his quad toe and lands it perfectly. You're really happy and the rest of his program is flawless. You knew he was going to win. He had to. He gets his score and his way above of what he had to get to beat Patrick. Actually, it was his personal best. You stay to watch the medal ceremony and you know Yuzuru is so happy to be called first and to be on the middle podium. He finally beat Patrick and you're confident that he can beat him in Sochi. After the ceremony, you go back to the hotel to sleep. You know that Yuzuru probably doesn't want to talk to you. You get to your room and lie down. Then, you hear a knock. You go to the door and open it to see none other than the boy you love.

"Hey" Yuzuru says

"Hi" Is all you can say back

"So... I won.." Yuzuru says as he scratches behind his head

"I saw" You say and give a small smile

"Can we talk?" He asks

"Sure" You say as he sits on your bed and you go to sit next to him.

"I'm really sorry about what I said last night. I know it came out wrong and I sounded mad but-" He says, but you cut him off.

"Don't apologize. It's my fault. I'm the one keeping secrets"

"I know, but... I should respect the fact that if you don't want to tell me, you don't have to. I just don't get what it is that you won't tell me. I mean, we tell each other everything.." He says while looking down and playing with the sheets.

"It's.... not that I don't want to tell you... it's just I can't" You say

"Why not? Is it bad?"

"Umm.. no.. but..." You say and then sigh

"It's complicated" You admit

"Oh.. I got it"

"Yeah.. I'll tell you. I promise. Just, not right now" You tell him

"Okay. I can't wait for that day" He says

After about a 5 second pause, you say,

"I'm really sorry. I hope you're still not mad at me"

"I wasn't in the first place. I was just... frustrated. I always want to help and be there for you, but I can't do that if you won't tell me what's been bothering you" He says while looking at you.

You both look at each other and say nothing. You look at his eyes and then at his lips. But then, you quickly look away.

"So.. it's a certain someone's birthday tomorrow" You change the subject and smile at him

"Oh yeah. I forgot" He says and laughs

"I can't believe you'll be 19 already. I remember when you were 9!"

"And I remember when you were 7. Winning tonight was the start to a great birthday" He says and smiles

"I've been waiting to be 19 for a long time. I always knew that I wanted to win the Olympics at 19"

"I'm sure you can win. I know it" You reassure him as you put your hand on his leg.

He smiles and lies down on your bed.

"Hey, hey, hey. What do you think you're doing?" You ask

"Your bed is way more comfortable than mines" He says with his eyes close

"So? Go to your room"

"Just let me stay for a little bit. Then, I'll leave"

"Fine" You say as you go to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

When you come back out, you see Yuzuru sleeping.

"Hey" You walk over to him

"I told you to go back to-" You stopped as you looked at him. He looked so peaceful and you saw his mouth partially open and you could hear him breathing. You sigh and went to the desk to write your letter.

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Dear Yuzuru,

December 6, 2013

You did it. You won the Grand Prix Final. It's a major medal so I'm so proud of you. I mean even if you didn't win, I'd still be proud. You're not mad at anymore so yay. It was good having a long talk with you to get out the things on our minds. I know you really want to know what I'm hiding, but I promised I would tell you. I just realized again that I'm actually hiding 2 things from you. One, is the cancer. And two, is my feelings for you. Your birthday is tomorrow and I bought your gift a while ago. When I saw it, I knew I had to get it for you. Not sure what we're going to do for your birthday, but probably spend time with your family. I remember when you were 9 with your bowl/mushroom haircut hahaha. You're still cute though. Anyway, right now at this moment, you're sleeping on my bed. I don't want to wake you up because I know you must be exhausted and hurting from today so I'll just let you sleep. Problem is, I have no idea where I should sleep... ugh the things I do for you. Anyway, love you xoxo.

You put the letter in your suitcase and you look for a place to sleep. You could sleep on the ground, but that's gross. You could sleep in the chair, but that's uncomfortable.

"Ugh, why couldn't I get a room with 2 beds?" You think as you just stand there with your arms crossed trying to think. You look back to Yuzuru to see that he was just sleeping on one side of the bed. You could just sleep on the other side and leave as much room as possible in the middle between you guys. But, you thought that would be so awkward since you would be "sleeping together". You ignore it and you go into the bed. Yuzuru is sleeping on his left side so you decide to sleep on your right side so you face away from him. Before you go to sleep, you look over to him and smile and whisper,

"Goodnight. I love you" as you turn back to your side and drift into sleep.

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Hi everyone!! I hope you like this chapter. I apologize again for any typos or grammatical errors. I didn't read over this chapter since I'm kinda lazy haha I'm sorry! I hope you guys get what I'm trying to say though. Thank you guys for the comments, votes and likes! It means a lot! Please continue to give me feedback on what you guys think of the story so far! Okay bye guys! 

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