Letters to Yuzuru

"I see the way he looks at you"

"Morning, mom" You say as you walk into the dining room

"Hey, sweetie. What's up?" She asks as she reads the newspaper as always

"I'm planning to go to the rink today" You tell her as you take a bite of an apple

"Of course.. By the way, are you ever going to tell him about..." Your mom says trailing her sentence

"How about how I feel or the cancer?" I ask while looking down at the ground

"Both"

"I don't know... I'll figure that out later. I gotta go. Bye mom."

You grabbed your purse and keys and headed out the door. You drove to the rink and went inside. Everyone knew who you were since you come almost everyday. Your eyes instantly fall on him. The way he skates, the way his body flows into every move he does, the way he looks so intense every time he skates, the way he skates always takes your breath away. He takes off on his salchow, but falls pretty hard. He gets up, but curses under his breath. You gasp which causes him to turn his head to see you. His face seems to lighten up and he smiles and skates over to you.

"Hey. You were so close to landing the jump" You say as you embrace him. Even though he was sweating, you didn't care.

"No I wasn't. That wasn't even close" He said as he frowned

"Well, the rotation was there. You just need to work on the landing"

You know how hard he could be on himself so you felt like it was your job to always praise him to know that he is such an amazing skater.

"I hope I can get it before the season starts. I have to make sure I have these quads down" He replies as he wipes some sweat off his forehead

You nodded and started coughing

"Are you okay?" Yuzuru asked

You smiled and laughed softly as you remembered those words from the first time you guys met.

"Yeah I'm fine. I'm just a little sick" You lied

You hated lying to him. You hated keeping these secrets from him. Friends aren't supposed to hide things from each other especially best friends for almost 10 years. You wanted to tell him. But you know you couldn't

"Are you sure? You've been sick for a while and you're looking really pale" He said in a concerned tone

"Don't worry. I'm fine. Now go work on your quads" You smile as you slowly push him away

When he turns around, the smile quickly fades. You took a deep breath in and exhaled. It would only be a matter of time before you take your last breath. You pushed that out of your brain as you watched Yuzuru practice his spins. You wished you could be on the ice with him. After you got cancer, you had to stop skating. You were diagnosed in April 2013 and that's when you stop and you couldn't be on the ice with him again. You would do almost anything to be on the ice with him. When he seemed to be occupied, Brian started skating over to you. Brian was the only other person other than your family and Yuzuru's mom that knew about your cancer. You saw Brian as a father figure since your father divorced your mom and left you and your mom alone.

"Hey. How's it going?" Brian asks

"I'm okay. How are you?" You ask him

"I'm doing fine. How's everything with the ..." Brian trailed his sentence, but you knew exactly what he was talking about

"I went to the doctor's yesterday. They said it's stable, but I know that's not the truth. It's spreading. I can feel it in my body. I feel myself getting weaker each day. The worst part is Yuzuru is starting to notice" You say as you watch Yuzuru practice his Ina Bauer

"Then maybe you show tell him soon"

You shake your head. "No way. Not when the season is about to start. I know it's totally going to throw him off guard and I don't want that to happen."

He nods his head in agreement and turns to watch Yuzuru skate.

"What about your feelings for him?"

"I know he doesn't feel the same way so what's the point?"

"You never know. I see the way he looks at you" Brian says trying to sound encouraging

You don't say anything and you continue to watch him skate.

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"You had a good practice don't you think?" You ask Yuzuru and you both walk out of the rink

"Not good enough. I can't seem to get the salchow down"

"Don't worry too much about it. I know you can get it down before the season starts" You smile at him.

He smiles back which causes you to smile even more. You look up at the moon and it's a beautiful full moon. There are so many stars out tonight and they are sparkling and it's breathtaking.

"Beautiful isn't it?" You ask him and you look at the sky

"Yeah. Beautiful." Yuzuru says, but when you look at him, he's not looking at the sky. He's looking straight at you.

You remember Brian's words, "I see the way he looks at you"

You smile because maybe Yuzuru actually does have feelings for you. But, the smile fades quicker than it appeared on your face. You thought to yourself, "There is no way he could like me." and even if Yuzuru did like you, you couldn't be with him. It was too late in your life. It wouldn't work out. It couldn't.

"I'm going home" You say quickly as you jump in your car

"Oh umm... okay. You want to come over my house for a bit?" He asks

"No. Sorry. See you later" You say as you close the door and drive off

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Dear Yuzuru,

September 28, 2013

Today was definitely interesting. I'm think you're starting to know about my condition. I keep telling you I'm sick and it's not big deal. I hate lying. Well I mean I techincally am sick, but not the way you think I'm sick. You think I have a cold or the flu. I wish it was something as minor as that. Anyway, Brian is saying you like me. I don't think that's true. I mean there's no way. What you said tonight totally freaked me out. I didn't want to just leave you like that. I would've love to go over your house and hang out, but I just needed some time to myself. I never really noticed how you look at me until Brian pointed it out. Did you call me beautiful? I don't know, probably not. It's going to suck when you leave to travel for your competitions. I'm not going to see you and it's back to video chatting again. I hate that. I video chatted with you enough in the past. I need you here with me. Physically. Well, season starts in a next week. I know you'll have a great season. I hope I can live to watch your Olympic performance. It's something you've been looking foward to since the day I met you. I'm tired and I'll talk to you tomorrow. Hopefully, you won't be mad. Love you always xoxo

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Hi guys! This is chapter 2 and yeah. Again, I apologize for any grammatical errors because on here, it doesn't tell me if I spelled a word wrong or not so I'm just kinda assuming that a word is spelt correctly sorry. Well anyway, I hope you guys like this story so far. Thanks for 60+ reads just on the first chapter! I'll try and update later on this week. Not sure when since I have finals and stuff. Feedback and comments is really helpful! Thanks (: