Desire | Shawn Mendes

TWENTY NINE

- Shawn's View -

Song of the Chapter: Lost Without U - Robin Thicke
"I'm lost without you / Can't help myself. / How does it feel...?"

- s-

The bell shop rings as I walk into the flower shop, a baseball cap on my head as I hope that maybe I won't be recognized. No one is in the shop and I walk up to the register and find a bell. Ring For Service is written on a piece of paper taped next to the bell. I ring it twice and after a tiny moment, someone comes out from the back.

"Hi!" She says. "Are you the one I spoke to on the phone?"

"Yeah, hi." I reply. "So I'm looking for a whole bunch of flowers for someone. And I mean an absolute lot."

"How much is a lot?" She replies. I look at her name tag and see her name is Terra.

"Terra, I want to cover a whole office with flowers. Can we do that?"

"We absolutely can!"

"Great, thank you. I'm looking for white roses, an absolute bunch of them."

"Alright. Are you still looking for flowers that say you're sorry?"

I nod my head. "Oh, yes."

She chuckles before showing me all these flowers and she helps me pick which ones I want before I see a familiar flower. Jasmine wore it in her hair for the wedding four years ago and I had been looking for that flower like crazy.

"What flower is that?" I ask.

"That's An Arabian Jasmine flower." Terra replies.

"I want those thrown in with the bouquets, please." I walk up to it and smell it. It reminds me so much of her and I feel so lost without her. "Do you have cards? For the flowers?"

"To write your message? Yes, we have several sizes." Terra says to me.

"What's the biggest size?"

She excuses herself and disappears into the back as I continue to look at the flower. The same exact flower was in her hair and I slowly and gently touch it with two fingers.

"Okay, so this is our biggest size. It's half a hallmark card, and it gives enough space to write lengthy messages." She tells me as she hands me the card. "Would you like a pen?"

"Yes, please." I nod. She reaches into her work apron and takes out a ballpoint pen and hands it to me. "Thanks." I take the card and the pen as I walk over to this writing station, pull up a stool, and begin to write after I sit down.

"How many bouquets are you looking to send?"

"Nineteen." I tell her.

I begin to write out my apology.

'You were nineteen when I fell in love with you. And you were nineteen when I broke your heart. No words can truly begin to express how sorry I am, and how much I truly hate myself for doing what I did to you. Jasmine Elle Callaghan, from the bottom of my heart I am terribly sorry for the way I acted and for what I did and the things I said to you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I am extremely sorry.

'Do you remember when we first collected seashells? You were so lost in the moment that you didn't even realize that you let a whole five minutes go by of not saying a single word to me because you were so caught up in the water collecting sea shells. Had you looked up at me, maybe we would have a new moment. You would have asked me what I was staring at and I would have said nothing and then you would have asked me again and I'd finally tell you. I was really thinking I was so incredibly lucky to have you. I looked at you and I just knew that I wanted to protect you from everything and everyone.