initiate a conversation.

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initiate a conversation.

My insides perform flips
when I see you online.
My mind races and my heart leaps.

But a silence gloomily hangs over us -
Not a word is said;
there is nothing to discuss.

I stare at our chat
the whole day long.
I'm probably the only one who does that.

Typing out line after line,
but never hitting "send" -
it's a habit of mine.

I'm afraid to start,
despite the internal screams
deep down from my heart.

Confusion;
I'm not sure, I don't know.
Cowardice;
I'm afraid your answer will be a no.

Initiative
Is what I lack.
Courage
To try to get you back.

Ever since that night,
I've been trying to piece together some words,
but nothing sounds right.

With you, I'm not sure what to say,
because you'll laugh at my attempts
just like every other day.

I'm a coward.
Too fearful of rejection,
Too averse to feeling hurt.

It's nerve-wrecking initiating conversations.
And I sincerely apologise,
for not living up to your expectations.

So I hope you accept this rhyme,
it's my way of expressing myself
when I don't know how to sometimes.

It's time for me to go.
To retreat to my slumber,
To a world without troubles and sorrow,
16 hours away in a cold December.

Goodnight for me,
good morning for you,
or perhaps afternoon, maybe.

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