Permenant Masquerade

Chapter 4-Life gets in the way sometimes

Sorry its been so long. Time just ran out the front door.  So this past week... the dance was absolutely incredible. I danced with the guy I like, I had a different dress so I looked better and I didnt leak. I was absolutely fantastic the entire night.  if only I could go back and just live in that night forever.

The rest of the week has just been slammed with school because I have to do so much work in one month. And im failing.Wonderful right? I've decided that since ive already failed in life im going to open a daycare when im older. Thats the only thing im good at. I can take care of kids and clean after other people. Cant pick up after myself but I can take care of other people.

On a different note, im going to see a shrink. My family thinks I need help with my feelings and trust issues. I know that I have issues. but I dont need professional help with them. I mean, I write on wattpad about them every couple of days. I have 2 followers which are myself and my other account so...why does it matter? Its not like anyone cares about what I think and feel and how I trust. I dont trust anyone. Not even my parents. I trust everyone to a certain degree. But have never fully trusted anyone with all of my thoughts and feelings. A couple of people have almost gotten there but then ive stopped myself from trusting anyone anymore. If anyone ever truly found out everything thwn thwy would blackmail me or embarrass me with it. I tell everyone I dont care about what people say when the truth is I do care. about a lot of it. I just dont let anyone know that otherwise it would be used against me. Or they run away.  And I need all the company I can get. I understand why they think I need a shrink but...I agreed to go to one session and see where we go from there. but my sister has to tell my parents about it. Ive learned to conceal my feelings and I enjoy that. Im a sympathetic person and it frickin sucks. It means I take everyone's problems and make them my own. It also makes me an amazing reader. but when you have no other talents it doesn't help much. Well I have talents.  im just not as good as everyone else. I can sing. but my sisters are 10 times better. I can draw...sorta but my sister is amazing. Im naturally appealing to the eye but it doesn't draw any attraction and its not enough. I can write. Just not anything good.l enough to get published. I can cook...most of the time. But its nothing professional.  Thats all ive got. And I might as well not say take it or leave it because they will leave it anyways. So why bother?

You must think im crazy. Thats why I dont tell anyone this stuff. It makes me crazy. And im not going to any asylum. If anyone wants me to go to an asylum then its them who needs to go to one.