That Force...

Abbie

My name is Abbie. With an I and an E. Not Abigail, or Bee, just Abbie. Daddy says that it means “Daddy’s joy”. Mummy says it means “Mummy’s pain in the butt” whenever Daddy’s not around. I’m turning 5 tomorrow. Daddy says that’s a big number, and I should be proud. I just want cake. And a puppy. Daddy keeps asking if I want friends over, and every day I tell him that I want ALL of my friends to come and eat cake with me, but then Mummy says no because she’s going out and doesn’t want a messy house when she gets home. Daddy and Mummy get into a fight when she says stuff like that. They have lots of fights. I just hide under my bed with Teddy until they stop. Sometimes I fall asleep.

Mummy and Daddy had a really big fight yesterday coz’ a couple days ago, wait it might have been a couple weeks… I’m not sure; I’m not good with numbers. Anyways a little while ago when Daddy was at work Mummy came home with Mr Johnson from down the road. They went into Mummy and Daddy’s room for a long time, and I heard loud noises and yelling. I thought they were having a fight like Mummy and Daddy, so I hid under my bed with Teddy again. When it all stopped, I came out and Mummy was standing there waving goodbye to Mr Johnson’s car. She was smiling. She never smiled after a fight with Daddy. I don’t think she ever smiled. I asked her why she was happy, and she said:

“I played a game with Mr Johnson, and I had lots of fun. Mr Johnson is much more fun to play with than your Daddy is. He is a better player too. Don’t tell your Daddy though, he’d get jealous.”

I promised not to tell Daddy. I play with lots of different people all the time, why couldn’t Mummy? But a few days ago Daddy was cooking me spaghetti for dinner, and wanted to know where Mummy was. I told him she was probably playing with Mr Johnson. I didn’t mean to say it, I forgot and it slipped out. Daddy asked what I meant and I tried REALLY hard not to tell him, but it all just fell out. I told him that she came home and played a game with Mr Johnson and that she said he was more fun than Daddy. Daddy didn’t like that. He called Sarah, my babysitter, and told me he’d be back soon. When he came home he was with Mummy and they were yelling at each other. When Mummy saw me she started yelling at me. Then Daddy started yelling at her for yelling at me, and I went and hid under my bed with Teddy. Teddy never yells. After a while Mummy left, and Daddy came up and told me she was gone, and that Mummy might not live with Daddy anymore. Then yesterday, when Daddy was at work Mummy came home, and told Sarah that she could go. She was walking kinda like I do when I’m playing ‘Don’t step on the cracks’, and she smelt real bad. She had a bottle in her hand, it looked kinda like the ones Daddy drinks when he watches football on TV. She yells at me: “You ruined it, punk. You ruined my game!” She said a lot of bad words and smacked my face real hard. I cried, coz it hurt. “It’s all your fault!” She yells again. I’m sorry Mummy. “Don’t be sorry you little punk!” I didn’t mean it! “Liar!” She smacks my face again. Then she starts crying too. She cries and screams and then she falls asleep on the couch. I go and hide under my bed until Daddy comes home. I’m not mad at her, it’s my fault. I guess it’s kinda like when I found Mr Snuggles the puppy hiding in the playground at the park. We played whenever I went to the park, but I wouldn’t let Sally play with him because I found him. She got angry and tattled to her Mummy on me, who tattled to my Daddy. I never saw Mr Snuggles again. I’m like Sally, I tattled on Mummy. I hit Sally a couple of times too.  When Daddy comes home they yell at each other a lot more than usual. I’ve started putting books under the bed for me and Teddy to read. Today I’m watching TV. Dora the Explorer is on. Daddy isn’t awake yet. Mummy comes into our house and starts yelling at me and smacking me. I scream. Daddy comes running downstairs and starts yelling at Mummy and pulling her away from me.

I’m sorry Mummy. I run outside.

I didn’t mean it Mummy. I run out the gate.

It’s my fault Mummy. I run onto the road crying.

I’d take it back Mummy. I see the car coming my way through my tears.

I shouldn’t have tattled Mummy. Pain. Screams. Red.

What’s happening Daddy? I feel light, I see light, I hear silence.

I’ll miss you Daddy.

My name is Abbie. With an I and an E. Not Abigail, or Bee, just Abbie. Daddy says it means “Daddy’s joy”. I was meant to turn 5 tomorrow. Daddy said that’s a big number and I should be proud. I guess I’ll never know. All I wanted was cake. And a puppy.

I shouldn’t have tattled. It’s all my fault.