LGBTQIA+ Problems

< Not a Problem / Vent-Rant >

I'd be putting this in my vent book, except I deleted it so...

I needed to get this off my chest, and it's about my ex girlfriend, aka SugaLawliet

Ok, here we go.

I ask her to not talk about fandom merch because it makes me jelly that she sees more than me and it hurts that I may never see any of it, and she shits all over me, not caring I feel bad when she shows photos of fandom merch on Hangouts, saying she's allowed. She's basically saying she's allowed to make me jealous and upset. That isn't a good thing to say. Especially when it comes to Matsu merch since my parents don't have much money, and we don't order shit from Amazon often. Amazon has extremely high priced merch, so how am I supposed to get more, exactly? Her flaunting her Kara band keychain and that DAMN bath figure make me really pissed and jealous because she honestly doesn't fucking CARE that I can't have more. I live four hours away from NYC, and her, only two. I don't go to cons since, once again, not enough money, so how can I see merch at cons if I can't go? I don't have much because it's HARD to obtain more. She doesn't take that into consideration, so when I ask her to stop with Matsu merch, I'm asking her to stop making me feel upset and jealous. She never cares when I do tho, bc she just KEEPS ON GOING.

Then, she admitted to not giving any fucks when I vent simply because she is not depressed. What makes her think she has to be depressed to care when I vent? I vent about how she makes me feel, and because she can't handle hearing the truth, she tries to shut me up, and she ignores me. She doesn't care about my vent arts, simply bc she doesn't draw any herself??? Bitch, even my friend VET cares when I draw vent art, and I have never seen HER draw any. She also claims she's never going to be depressed. If she knows that, does she also know what's going to happen tomorrow? Oh, she doesn't? Then she DOESN'T know if she's gonna be depressed. I never thought I would, but look at me now. Your emotions aren't a set thing. They're fluid, they're always changing and you never know how you're gonna feel. So saying you know you're not gonna be depressed is like saying you know if you'll be in an accident tomorrow. You don't know that. Acting like you do is childish and stupid. Being stubborn about it just proves how childish it is. You can't pretend like you know something you don't. Saying you know you won't be depressed is like saying you know you're winning the lottery. You don't, and there's no way to tell. I don't get why she thinks she can say it, and act like it's true. Then again, she's said "I'm not being trans, I don't want to be trans and I'm never being trans", acting like it was a choice!

Now, let's talk about how she seems to prefer Vet/VettinAJ, who she met this year, over me, who she's known for almost three years now. She likes to claim it's because I'm not in fandoms they are, like MLP and Danganropa. Fandoms aren't the reason. She always talks to Vet, asking her for everything, if she's seen something, asking HER when she can do shit. Always showing HER pics. When I say a single thing, my ex gets mad and says "NOT YOU NF". I suggest ponies on Pony.Town, she shits on me. Vet suggests it, she uses it. When I vent to her, she changes the subject to Vet. She's always talking to her, not me. I get treated like a PEST when I try talking to her in the middle of anything. What makes her think that's acceptable? It makes me feel left out. Does she even care? No.

Now, let's chat about her stubbornness. She never wants to watch or do anything when I suggest it. Because, as my ex loves to say, "I'm aloud and I don't have to if I don't want to". She's gonna be in deep SHIT when she has a job, and she says that to her boss. Her ass is best fired then. Whether or not she likes it, we all have to step out of our comfort zones at one time or another. I'm not saying that she HAS to be outside it at ALL times, I'm asking her to be more flexible when it comes to this. Before Eddsworld, I was cautious and didn't want to join any fandoms, but after Eddsworld, I became more flexible. She suggested OsoSan to me, and look what happened. I watched more anime thanks to OsoSan. I stepped out of my comfort zone to watch Death Note, AoT, and other stuff. I did it so I could join her in fandoms, and so I could have more interests. It payed off greatly, because look at all the fandoms I've joined. She's probably been there, too. She has probably been faced with something that didn't seem like her type of thing, but when she watched it, she liked it. It isn't the end of the world to be more flexible and lenient. I put on comps and the like on TogetherTube because I think she'd like it, and I'd like to share stuff with her, but no. It makes me a jerk because she can't shut up and just deal with it. She can't just say "I DONT WANT TO AND IM ALOUD" to everything. That'll get her fired at a job, and it'll make her fail school and make her be punished at home. Everyone sometimes just has to SHUT UP and deal with it. Who knows? Maybe she'd find something she LIKED.

You know, me and Vet have more fun alone because my ex likes to get mad. I suggest using my room on Togethertube just to maybe mix things up bc we're always using hers (I don't see the big deal, they're literally set up the EXACT SAME, just with different names), and then she gets mad and refuses to get on TT just bc I suggested something different. Then, sometimes she refuses to get on PT just because me and Vet are using ponies we want to. She likes to say "IM NOT GETTING ON" if me and Vet use two ponies, because she thinks we're gonna do ship RPs for ships she hates, such as Karabita and AtsuTodo. Especially if I ask Vet to use Atsushi while I'm a Totty. Fun fact: we don't unless I suggest we do an RP, and it's RARE for that to happen. She won't get on because why? Because we're doing what we want? Because I suggest something just to be different for once? This is stubbornness, and it's rude. When she mutes things I want her to watch? That's disrespectful and makes me think she doesn't care. She muted an Oso vid because she's watched it a lot? Well, that's a bad reason. She fucking KNOWS that I love that video, and muting it makes me feel like she doesn't care. What's funny is when I said I muted a Rap Monster vid (When I actually didn't, I was trying to see how SHE felt), she ended it just bc I muted it? Did I throw a fit and end the vid when she muted Oso? No. A Tumblr Gudetama pony post, too. She posted it, and deleted it when I said I didn't want to reblog it. I don't have to RB everything, you know. Then she got pissy because I wasn't using a Rap Monster icon on DeviantART, so she called it useless and deleted it. What if someone wanted to use it? I asked her to make it so she could have an entire BTS icon set, since she only had Suga. It wasn't useless, heathen. It had a purpose.

I'm bringing up her hypocrisy here now. She says shit about me, when she KNOWS she does it. She says I overreact when SHE'S the one who throws a FIT when I suggest she use a certain kind of icon on Tumblr. She likes to say I don't care if she doesn't want to watch a video, when she's the one who doesn't care when I want to show her things. She says I'm the one who makes a big deal out of everything when, surprise surprise, that's what SHE does.

Finally, let's talk about how she deals with stuff. If something negative happens, she doesn't just face it. She hides it. She delete people's asks and comments calling her out on Tumblr and DeviantART. She sweeps her problems under the rug, hoping it'll go away if she does. People calling her out in a DA status? Delete the status, that'll TOTALLY make it so it never happened! I say anything? Trash me so I keep my mouth shut! Someone on Tumblr asks her why she treats me like garbage? Oops, better delete it so she doesn't have to face the music! Ex-girlfriend (me) asks her to own up to the emotional damage she caused them? Tell them no so she doesn't have to actually do anything!

I've told others about this. I've shown them the proof. They side with me that she shouldn't be doing this shit. They AGREE she should make up for her mistakes. But she doesn't. She just thinks that repeating the same things and shoving it away will produce something new. Fun fact: repeating the same thing and expecting a different result is the DEFINITION of insanity. I get we both have Asperger's Syndrome, but this does not excuse all of this shit.

There's way more stuff I could go on and on saying, but these were some of the bigger points I had to make. 

I'm sorry to annoy everyone reading this book.