So far, all I've done, is pick my lip raw.
I get off the bus.
Sign myself in and wait by the doors.
Connor passes in front of me, coming really close.
He stays in front of me for a while. I hold my breath, my heart feeling like it's about to burst from my chest.
His cologne stings at my nose, but it was pleasant.
He looks back at me, staring.
He was close, really close.
Nervously, I look down at my phone. Pretending to be busy.
If he stared any longer, my heart would stop.
He looks away, my breath releases and I look up at him.
His back was facing me. But he was still so close, that if I were to lift my hand, I'd hit him.
He walks away, finding his friends again.
And I just take in the smell he left behind.
================
Today was Halloween. And when I got home, I would spend the night in my bed. Ignoring the
trick-or-treaters.
As I walk to my art class, I spot Connor. He glances at me.
But then, before I know it, his single glance became a stare.
I looked away.
My stomach rumbled.
And it was just because I was hungry.
My butterflies bounced around nervously in my stomach.
I get into my art class, smiling.
This was my second home.
I sit in my spot.
The kid next to me smelled like weed.
I tried to block out the smell but I could still smell it.
Taking out my work, I begin to put a background to me drawing.
======Next Day======
I walk in, not seeing Connor.
I was in Sollers Point now.
And so was Connor.
In this school, Anna wasn't here.
Later on, at 10:15, we would go to Kenwood.
But meanwhile, I sit in my classroom hoping for the day to go as fast as the speed of light.
I would want nothing more.
I was sick of this day already.
Looking to the board, I sigh.
"November 1st." I whisper to myself.
But the day didn't feel any different.
It was Anna's birthday soon.
I didn't know how old she'd be turning, but I would have to be sure to get her something.
If I had the money...that is.
====
I walk to my next class alone.
The bond between me and Lance had been broken.
We didn't walk to class together anymore.
Plus, I was under a lot of stress with building that Crane Boom.
Today was the last day to build, and me and my partner didn't even start yet.
The glue didn't dry all too fast either. And it takes a full 4 days to finish building
How the fuck would we cram it all into a 45 minute period?
I needed encouragement.
I didn't have that.
Now I would just sit with the hole in my heart, if we didn't finish in time.
My grade will drop.
And right now, my GPA is 3.1.
I would like to keep it that way.
=====
Getting ready to leave, it was now 10:11.
It smelt like feet in the class and I was ready to go.
We had to take a test.....and I'm not so sure I did well.
I'm struggling to keep my grades up.
But it's like a weight too heavy from my existence.
Crushing me.
I saw Connor in the hall, when I was walking to my other class.
He stared at me until I turned the corner.
He made me self-conscious of myself.
The bell rings and I hurry to get a decent seat on the bus.
It was cold outside, and by the time I got to the bus I was breathless.
Beside me sat a boy, tall. Acne all over his face.
And he wore glasses.
I didn't get that much of a look at him because he sat down quickly.
Secretly, while his back was turned away from me, I ate a brownie.
He was talking to his friends, and had a banana in his hand.
I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I could hear him and his friends. Talking about, Churches.
I tried tuning myself out, as I looked out the window.
My mind drifts to Connor.
I didn't want it to, but it did anyway.
Wondering whether or not his mind drifts to me, when the bus passes my house.
He probably doesn't, but a girl can dream.
It was a B day, which meant I had a class with him...one that Anna didn't.
Popping another brownie in my mouth, I continue to think.
Why does Connor sit on the other side of the room now?
I understand that he's avoiding us, but what the hell.
All of a sudden, heat comes to my forehead.
I don't know why, But I ignore that too.
Then my thoughts switch up.
Now I wonder if we'll be playing volleyball again today in Gym.
And if so, will Connor decide to join in today? Will he stay? Or would he continue his stupid mission on avoiding me and Anna?
The bus takes an unexpected turn off the road.
My heart picks up.
Maybe this is where I die?
Closing my eyes, I try not to cry. Embracing myself for the impact.
But it never comes, we just swerve onto the curb.
"Sorry!" The bus driver calls out to us.
The bus shakes.
Someone sighs.
"At least we didn't die."
I try to erase the thought from my mind.
I also had to tell my mother about this incident.
This. This is EXACTLY why I didn't ride buses.
====================
I sit quietly by myself, while waiting for the redundant bell to ring.
My heart rate gradually picks up when the teacher in the cafeteria tells us to sit only on one side of the cafeteria.
That means, Connor could sit anywhere. And that anywhere could be near me.
I have yet to look up.
But only my heart would dare me to.
The bell rings and I spring up out of my seat.
Excited to finally be moving.
But in the hallways, the herd of people moved too slow.
