Little stories

Round two

I have all these things I want to say but I can't seem to find the words. It's like you had built me up just to break me down, like it's a sport but you can't seem to make up your mind as to which team you're on.

Looks like you came back for round two.

I decided to test you, a situation that would be totally unfamiliar, me you and her. You've broken me, you failed the test that was so simple, you continued to show affection to her, the same you showed me the night before, yet you looked me in the eye at the same time, did you really not see everything fall apart in my eyes, you stared long enough almost as if you knew the damage you had done, almost like you knew you had won.

It's quite simple you either love me or you don't it's still taking me years to even love myself, to find my own self worth, how can I sit here and let you play me again? Make me loose all self worth because I don't have the time to sit around and wait for someone like you, thinking you'd be the one to make me feel like I was valued, like you cared... and now I'm starting to think this was all for you.

Okay now this hurts. My chest feels heavy and my eyes begin to sting, my voice becomes silent and my limbs feel numb. I don't exactly know what you've done to me, I've never been played before but I can see you're intentions now, I'm there for when you're bored or when she doesn't give you attention. You turn to me because you know I will give you the attention you crave from her. I guess this is some kind of heart break.

The thing is that the first time I was understanding, and it honestly didn't phase me because in the end you came back and that's what I wanted, it didn't bother me that you were playing me or even using me because I felt as though you wanted me just as bad as I wanted you. So... I let you do it again but this time I realised it, I realised what you were doing. I was naive and very much willing to let you break me again... just so you would see me.

And I am NOT sloppy seconds, I won't play that role anymore because I am more than that. So please please please leave me alone, don't break me again because I don't know how many times you can do this to me before I feel unrecognisable. I'm a fool for you. I was a fool to fall again thinking it would be different, thinking you had made your mind up.

So stop... I still have feelings for you but stop playing with me, leave me alone because I've had enough, I don't want to deal with this kind of heart break for a round 3.