The Juices of the Elderly

Chapter One

NOTE: you won't know what the heck is going on so go to the chapter "Bio and facts" (something like dat) it will explain who each character is. Heheheh. Be prepared kiddies. Wait what.

Cacaw Cacaw!" Kemp shrieks, lifting himself up off the ground and stretching his wrinkled, soft limbs. He had slept overnight in the schools cafeteria due to his home being destroyed by his dogs anal gas (Aka a Fart). Kemp groaned in exhaustion and he stood up and slotted his hanging limbs into place and made his way to Edwards office. After an emotional affair, Edward had decided to run off with Nasuto and leave Kemp with no one. Of course, there was a lot of arguments and scalp wars after this but Edward stayed with Nasuto and was even planning to move in with her. Kemp knocked on Edwards door boldly, his head wobbling violently. He did not answer it. "For gods sake Edward, you better not be having some sexual tension with Nasuto again." Kemp spat. He barged inside and saw Nasuto lying on the floor with Edward pinned underneath her enormous body. She was wearing what looked like a strippers outfit - showing off too much of her skin. It was so tight around the bottom Kemp couldn't even see the strap going up her bum, because her fleshy folds of fat were flopped over it. "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!" Kemp yelled at the top of his lungs, his chords almost popping out of his throat. Nasuto jumped up with Edward at her side, looking flustered and red like a hot elderly tomato. "Why did u walk in without knocking, kemp?" Edward thundered, his neck extending so his furious face was almost touching Kemps. "I did knock but your sexual groans with Nasuto were too loud to hear my slumbering knuckles bang against the door." Kemp snapped back. Edward started wiggling his head violently from side to side. "Get out. Kemp." He hissed like a snake, his eyes turning black. "But I need to speak with you." Kemp insisted.

"I need to connect my genitals with him again." Nasuto screeched.

"But it's urgent." Kemp shouted, his chords started to tingle in preparation.

"My genitals are in urgent need of love. Now get out." Nasuto yelled. That was it. Kemp was prepared. He opened his mouth, his eyes turned red in rage. His folds of skin on his neck swayed from side to side as his throat opened revealing bright red cords. He reached his hand up as Nasuto and Edward stared in disbelief. "KEMP. NOOOO!!" Edward roared in slow motion. But, it was too late. Kemps hands strung his chords violently, creating a high pitched screeching sound - causing Nasuto and Edward to fly back against the wall. Eyes waggling, mouths open as the pressure of the chords notes pressed against their face and separated their features. Done. They slumped to the floor, unconscious. Yay. Kemp thought to himself. Now all he had to do was bury their dead bodies in the back of the school and he could run the college himself. No angry, sexual men and women were allowed to get in Kemps way now. Or else.

Friday 20th October 2017 - Logged.

Kemp awoke the next day feeling refreshed. Now he can make up all the rules to the college, which involved: removing warnings, detentions, isolation and punishments; recruiting the elderly for lunch service, removing lessons and making school a place to celebrate world Obsessive Compulsive Love of the Elderly Disorder every day. At 12.00pm Kemp got a video call from Michael Rosen.

"What is it Detective Rosen?" Kemp whispered.

"I have an urgent message. It's Chaplin." Rosen cried.

"Don't be stupid, Chaplin suffered a painful death years ago when Bentley used his nostril glands to suck his soul away."

"But he's back. When Chaplins soul got taken away by Bentleys sniffing skills we never knew where his soul went. Therefore, Chaplin could have still lived. His soul turned out to have travelled to Mount Asian Scalp. It's location is in the Amazon rainforest. The power in the Mountain is called the Asian Scalp which managed to resurrect Chaplin and fix his soul. He has more power than ever. Chaplin has fluttered open."

Kemp gasped in shock horror. "Well then let's do something about it you elder goose." He shouted, before giving Rosen his location and slamming the phone down.

-10 minutes later-

Kemp. I've received more information on Chaplin." Rosen shuddered, showing kemp his computer screen. It showed an image of a large, pink flap of skin stretched out with two large ladies ears growing out like bushes.

"What the hell is that...thing?!" Kemp shrieked in terror.

"It's the king." Rosen replied. Kemp stared at Detective Rosen in disbelief.

"The King of England?" He asked.

"Yes. He's Little King John. Born 8.234.761 million years ago, he's been In secret reign of our country. Creator of potato knishes, elderly shoelaces..." Rosen explained.

"What has this king of ours got to do with Chaplin fluttering open?" Kemp asked.

"Chaplin made a deal with Jonathon before he died. It was blackmail. He said that if lkj lent his stretchy limbs to him then when he died Jonathon would receive a power cell which enlarged his testicles." Kemp grinned and made slurping noises with his chords. "OOOHHH. HOW ELDERLY." He thundered.

"Noice." Rosen said, his ears detaching themselves from his head and hovering around for a few seconds, before re-attaching and fixing into place. "Jonathon didn't receive the power cell when Bentley sniffed Chaplins soul away, though. Since Sir Feline Chaplin didn't die. So now, Lkj thinks that Chaplin is dead and he hasn't given him the power cell and now his stretchy limbs have been taken from him." Rosen yelled.

"We need to find The King and ask for information on Chaplin." Kemp plotted evilly, his fingers working their way over his chest.

"Yes." Rosen agreed, before the two elder scalps made their way towards Jonathons Kingdom.