Sarah's Roses, Book I: Roses of Blue

Chapter XIV

Chapter XIV

I was sitting alone in the garden. Jeff had gone to call on the Thompsons. Ever since the ball he had taken a fancy to that little Prissy Missy Thompson. I couldn’t believe it. Jeff! Jeff couldn’t be thinking of courting her, could he? His fancy to her had caused the two of us to have a lot of arguments recently and I was rather upset with the fact that he had gone to call. What’s more, he had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to come along. Good lord, no. Not only could I not stand being in the same room with Prissy, but there was also Albert, who looked at me with sheep’s eyes and made me feel uncomfortable. Something in the way he looked at me just yelled ‘trouble’ in my face. So I had stayed behind and was spending the afternoon in the garden, my favorite place in the world.

“May I ask what is it you are doing, Miss Sarah?”

I looked up from the papers in my hand and a smiled when I saw Sammy standing nearby.

“Hello, Sammy. I’m just looking over some of my mother’s poetry and other papers. It’s the only thing I have left of her and I like to go over it from time to time, it makes me feel closer to her. Come,” I scooted a little off the blanket on which I sat, “you are welcome to join me.”

“I never hear you talk of your mother much,” he said as he haltingly sat down on the very corner, and glanced at the faded papers scattered all over the blanket.

“I don’t find it very easy to talk about her, not outloud,” I confessed, "besides, she’s not really the most encouraged topic around here. It seems there was some sort of scandal caused by her running off and it’s rather embarrassing for the household, so nobody speaks of it.”

“Is this all your mother’s own writing?”

“Most of it, but not all. There are also collections of her favorite poems by Byron and Keats and Lord Tennyson. My mother was a great lover of poetry. It’s really the only inheritance she left me. That and her dress, which I keep in my room upstairs.”

“What about your father?” He asked, running his eyes over a few of the scraps.

“I don’t know anything about him,” my voice turned cold. “I don’t know anything and I don’t want to know anything. I want nothing to do with the man who ruined my mother’s life, with the man who broke my mother’s heart. She never got over it.”

“Is there any mention of his name, in any of her poems?”

I shook my head, “mother took the mystery of his identity with her to the grave. She was the only person who knew anything about him. I’m glad she didn’t leave any clues, I’d burn them without looking at them. I never want to meet that person! NEVER! But, if I did,” I suddenly pointed out, “I’d tear him apart with these two hands.”

“You wouldn’t really,” Sammy gazed at my ivory white hands as though trying to imagine me ripping apart another human being.

“Well, maybe not,” I shrugged, “but I’d sure tell him what I thought of him. I’d tell him the whole truth about himself and then we’d see what he’d have to say in his defense.”

“Maybe he doesn’t know…”

“He does,” I firmly stated, “the reason he abandoned my mother was because she told him she was carrying his child. I know that much.”

“She told you that?”

“No, I found out from Robert, who overheard it from Mrs. Hosehigh who was discussing it with her husband.”

“Did they know anything about your father?”

“Nope. Mrs. Hosehigh suspected that he was one of my mother’s rich admirers. Perhaps he was married, perhaps he was engaged; there are so many reasons why a man of good standing would never unite with an actress. But he really should have thought about that before he got her with child.” I set my lips in a firm line. I always got angry when I thought of my father, these moments were rare and far apart, but there was no way to stop them from never coming. Now that I could share them with somene else made suddenly made it easier for me to handle them. It was nice to be able to discuss the troubles that were bothering me with another human being, instead of telling it to the air. Sammy certainly didn't have answers to any of my questions, but he listened with the utmost attentiveness and was sympathetic and that was mattered the most.