Emotions [Dazai x Reader]

Fish are(n't) wet

[Y/N]

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Dazai and I had been walking back to the Mafia, hand in hand. We had just finished lunch and a conversation about dogs. He had hated them, while I, on the other hand loved them. We walk into the elevator and thoughts begin to flood my mind. An idea pops into my head. The elevator doors open again to reveal the lounge.

"Fish aren't wet."

Dazai looks at me with perplexed expression as we walk into the lounge area. We sit down and he stares at me, his expression the same. He silently tells me to explain.

"Fish aren't wet when they are underwater."

Dazai's eyebrows knit together and he glares at me; his mouth slightly agape.

"Not until you take the fish out of the water, it is not wet. If you're surrounded by water, you are not wet." I continue.

His chocolate irises burn into mine for a few moments before he yells.

"WATER IS WET. IF YOU ARE IN WATER, YOU'RE WET." He shouts, slamming his hands down on the table. "ARE YOU SAYING-"

"If you're surrounded by water you're not wet. The same way we're surrounded by-"

"I'm surrounded by air, I'm not dry." Dazai sarcastically snaps, waving his arms around. "THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE SAYING." He shouts.

"No you're dry-"

"What are you guys arguing about?"

We both turn our heads to see Chuuya standing beside us.

"If you're surrounded by water, you're not wet. But Dazai doesn't agree." I sighed.

"YEAH BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. WATER IS WET." He snapped, his face burning red.

"Wait, explain." Chuuya demands, crossing his arms as he face turns into confusion.

I sighed and roll my head back before looking back at the both of them, I sit at the edge of my seat and lean forward.

"If you get a cup, and pour water on top of you- no matter how little water gets on you, you are now considered wet. Correct?" Dazai stands up and puts his hands behind his head, staring at me with a wide eyed expression, "So if you're surrounded by air, you're dry. Me as a human being," I rub my left arm, "have no water on me. Right? I'm surrounded by air, I'm dry. Once a bit of water touches me I am now wet. A fish in water, surrounded by water is not wet. Once you take the fish out of the water and expose it to air, once the air touches it, it is now considered wet. Because it hit the air, not just water around it. When something is completely submerged in water,

-it is not wet." I explain, ending with a single clap.

Chuuya slowly nods in agreement. Dazai looks at him and me, still confused as hell.

"No. Y'all are not serious right now." Dazai breathes, "So you're telling me, that when a submarine is underwater," Dazai leans down to me, close to my face pressing his hands on my cheeks, "It's not wet."

I let out a small laugh and he becomes more angry.

"NO, THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE SAYING RIGHT NOW. YOU'RE BASICALLY SAYING THAT IT'S DRY." He moves himself away from me and sticks his hands out in a defensive position, "YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE WET AND DRY ARE OPPOSITES. SO IF SOMETHING'S NOT WET THEN IT'S NOTHING," He shouts angrily, causing me to laugh. "THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE SAYING."

Dazai quickly inhales deeply before continuing. He points his index finger up, indicating that he was going to make a point. I shake my head.

"OK SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT A FISH IS DRY. THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE SAYING." Dazai shouts, even louder.

As soon as I began to speak he cuts off and waves his arms in a x motion.

"NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO. EVERYTHING HAS AN OPPOSITE. IF I'M NOT BREATHING," he pauses and inhales deeply for a few moments, staying still, "I'M NOT BREATHING. IF I'M BREATHING, I'M BREATHING. THAT'S JUST HOW IT IS." he shouts, pacing around. "RIGHT? EVERYTHING HAS AN OPPOSITE."

Chuuya tries to explain to Dazai that the points he was explaining weren't helping his case. I then try to back up Chuuya, but Dazai becomes frustrated. He grasps his coat on his shoulders and furiously pulls it off and lets it fall onto the chair next to us. He puts his hands through his hair and shakes his head.

"STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP- STOP." Dazai breathes. "IF A FISH IS UNDERWATER, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA CALL IT?" He leans over to me and puts his hands on his hips, impatiently waiting for me to answer.

I shrug and look at Chuuya.

"I wouldn't call it wet or dry-"

"BECAUSE IT'S NOTHING." Dazai shouts, "It's space. That's what you're saying." 

I sighed and roll my head back. Chuuya shakes his head and walks away. I smile as I look back up at him. He sits down and lets his head fall into his head. I stand up and sit next to his rubbing his back.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to stress you out so much." I apologize, cooing at how red his face was.

Dazai stays still for a few moments before turning his head to look at me. He glares at me and sighs before closing his eyes. I lean in and plant a kiss on his lips. When I pull away, he slowly opens his eyes.

"The fish... it's wet." He says plainly. I sigh and get up.

"Whatever makes you happy, love." I say before walking away.

He hooks his finger around the loop of my pants and pulls me into his lap, embracing me tightly.

"IT'S WET." He argues.

I relax in his arms and sigh.

"I love you too."

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this was supposed to be an angst story but i just had to oh my godododood i cant stop laughing the dude in the white t is basically Dazai (in the video i put up on top) I'm sorry