Emotions [Dazai x Reader]

Truth

[Y/N]

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"Everything's been a little different lately, in a good way. I can't pinpoint what it is though."

I was currently in the middle of speaking to Odasaku about Dazai and I- the small change. He stared at me in silence, thinking. He stayed this way for a few moments before letting out a small sigh.

"Do you truly love Dazai, [Y/N]?" Odasaku asked.

"Yeah."

Odasaku slowly nodded as he watched the small smile appear on my lips. He pressed his lips into a thin line before speaking up again.

"What will happen.. if your heart were to completely shatter?" He asked quietly.

"Ah.. That would be very painful. As it breaks every single emotion I've ever felt would be released to the maximum, the most I've ever felt of it at least. After that, I would loose my ability, as well as all my emotions. I'd never be able to feel anything again and become emotionless for the rest of my life." I explained.

Odasaku's eyes widened in horror. I looked at him in confusion. Noticing my expression, he calms himself down and lets out a long sigh. He looks at the clock next to us and stands up. Before I could ask him anything he beats me to it.

"Excuse me, but it's time for me to go attend to a few things. I hope to speak again with you soon, [Y/N]. See you around." He waves.

I waved back at him as he left my office. I let my mind wonder off for a few moments. I still didn't know what Dazai's ability was. All I knew was that it wasn't compatible with mine. I let out a long sigh and continue to finish up some reports I had to do.

After about half an hour, I finish up. It was about 7 o'clock, signalling the end of my shift. I grab my belongings before locking up my office and heading up to Dazai's. He wanted to take me to a festival that was going on today.

As the elevator door's opened up, I saw Chuuya standing in front of Dazai's door. His expression was filled with pure anger. His eyes quickly met mine and he begin walking towards me, his steps harsh and loud. I walked out of the elevator.

"[Y/N] get back in, there's something you need to know." He says angrily, grabbing my wrist and pulling me back into the elevator.

I stared at him in confusion and concern. As the elevator doors began closing, Dazai's door flew open. I looked back to see Dazai in distress. His eyes widened as he saw Chuuya and I in the elevator.

"Wait-"

His voice was cut off as the doors closed. I turned around and looked at Chuuya. He hit the wall with his fist, keeping it there as he muttered profanities.

"Chuuya what's wrong?" I asked, pulling his arm away from the wall.

"That heartless bastard has been using you. All he wanted was your ability. He just wanted to string you along like a little toy and mess around with your feelings. Everything is fake, he doesn't love you, [Y/N]." He seethed in anger.

My eyes widened and my heart started beating a little faster. A gut wrenching feeling started to grow as he continued to explain.

"That brain dead idiot doesn't know anything about people. I swear to god I'll fucking strangle him with my bare hands. He has no god damn clue what could happen to that person, especially with you. And his ability? I don't know if any one has told you but he can nullify other people ability at his command. I don't know why it won't full nullify yours but I know damn well it will destroy you. [Y/N], I don't want you near him anymore. I don't want any contact between you two at all or ever. This is a fucking order as your superior and executive of the Mafia. I'll make sure to get that message to him as well." He sneered.

I felt tears start to form and quickly fall. I felt a mixture of anger and sadness. The elevator opened once again to the first floor. Chuuya and I walked out. He pulled me into a tight hug.

"Set 4." I whispered.

I felt love, anger and sadness fade away. I stopped crying and Chuuya pulled away from me, looking into my eyes.

"I need to go. I need to be alone. Thank you for speaking to me about this. I really appreciate it Chuuya."

"Alright. Please call me if you need anything. You know I'm here for you." He sighed.

I waved him off and begin speed walking to my car. My heart pounded with fear as I reached it. I quickly drove away from the Mafia, back home. It began raining as I drove. I thought about why Dazai would use me, but no matter what, I just couldn't figure it out.

I turned off my car as I sat in my drive way. The only thing I heard was the rain hitting the car. The sound was calming. I fell into a trance as I looked straight ahead. I didn't know how long I had sat there for, but I knew it was a very long time.

Eventually I was broken out of the trance as I heard a knocking on my window. My heart leaped out of my chest as I looked to see Dazai, shouting my name. I sighed as I looked at my hand. Fear and happiness were low. Love, anger and sadness were pretty high. The colors were dulled out, signalling that I was suppressing those emotions. The color on my ring finger was different. At the bottom of the line, a small portion was pink. The rest of the line faded into the purple.

Heartbreak.

I felt the 'love' I was suppressing begin to rise up. I felt them become stronger as Dazai continued knocking on the window. Tears began to fall out of my eyes as I looked at him.

"Why would you use me? Is it because you want to be happy? Was it because you thought that I could just suppress these feelings?" I whispered.

My heart felt like it was being torn in a different way. It hurt, but not in the way it did when Dazai used his abilities on me. I looked away from him and let my head fall into my hands, crying even more.

"Why?" I whispered.

He kept shouting my name and knocking on the window. The rain started to pound harder against the window. After a few minutes, I stopped and wiped my eyes. I stared straight ahead at my garage door. Dazai had stopped knocking my window and had been trying to talk to me through it.

I hadn't been listening to a single word. It was slightly muffled. Questions ran through my head, and I wanted to ask him, but I just needed to be by myself. I was already not allowed to talk to him. In a second, Dazai started yelling angrily. I looked over and saw him on the phone. Gradually, his face fell as he continued to listen to whoever he was talking to.

Dazai looked me with guilt and sympathy.

I sighed and looked away. I put placed my hand over my chest. I hated this feeling so much. It was the first time I've ever felt it but it was awful. I never understood why other people had asked me to get rid of this feeling. I didn't realize how awful it was. I knew this wasn't even as bad as some of the people I had met. This was nothing.

My face became expressionless as I got out of the car. Dazai continued to listen to whoever it was on the phone. I walked away from him, he tried to grab my arm but I quickly dodged it. He followed close behind me as I walked up to my door. As I opened it, I could hear someone yelling at him through his phone. I turned around and stared at him for a few moments. He hung up the call as soon as I looked at him. Before he could speak I spoke up.

"I can't talk to you right now. It hurts." I said quietly. "I know you thought I could, but.. I can't turn it off anymore. Please... please leave."

My eyes began watering again and I turned around before the tears could fall out once again. I walked inside and slowly closed the door behind me, locking it. I didn't realize until now that he now had control over my ability.

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So close to the end oh myhmmhgmfk