I Am Pagan - Notes From A Solitary Eclectic Neo-Pagan Witch

Pagan Posers

There are a great many people, these days, who are what I call, fake pagans, or pagan posers (I love that term – posers – it suits so well). They do us real pagans a great injustice.

For the most part, they are Pagan because it shocks and upsets their family or friends (assuming they have any). Often they will go around threatening to cast spells on people they would like to intimidate or frighten. You can often tell them by the huge pentagram they wear prominently outside their clothing where everyone can see and be so impressed with how scary they are.

If you ask them what Pagan holidays they celebrate, they will surely tell you all about how they spend Halloween having a huge party and orgy with their pagan friends. They may remember Beltane – for the same reason. If they have actually picked up one book, or read a website or two, they MIGHT even know a bit about Winter Solstice, and that the majority of the symbols and customs we now associate with Christmas are pagan. Maybe. And they might know about the big party at Summer Solstice if they've heard of the Burning Man celebration. They won't have a clue what its about – just that it is a cool party.

Test them on Lughsnadah, or Spring Equinox celebrations. Chances are they'll try and bullshit you or just walk away.

Ask them to name their god and goddess for you, and explain their origin and symbolism. This is always good for a laugh. Some of them even name fictional gods and goddesses from Sci-Fi or Fantasy books or movies.

They might know the Wiccan Rede – "An Ye Harm None, Do As Ye Will". Which makes it hard to understand why mostly they want spells to curse people and threaten people with harm. Or they think it means they can do anything they want to do, anything at all, without fear of recourse. They seem to forget the first part of the Rede – An Ye Harm None.

Most of them can quote you the law of three – everything you do comes back to you in threes. But obviously they don't believe it – because they lie, cheat and steal. You realize that there are so few books on Wicca and Paganism in the library because they are always stolen? Don't even get me started on the art and bandwidth so called Pagans have stolen from me.

If you believe the law of three, then you believe that for every time you steal something from someone, you will be stolen from three times as much. If you still go around stealing, there is something wrong with your brain. Like you don't have one.

Maybe someone stole it.

And then there are the Satanists.

In general, I'm a live and let live person who believes in religious freedom. But if anyone who tells you they are Pagan, tries to tell you they are Satanists, stop them right there. You see, Satan did not exist until Christianity made him up. If you are a Satanist – you are a Christian. You are espousing a Christian belief in a demonization they created, based on a number of different pagan gods and goddesses (they were so terrified of a powerful female figure that they masculinized the names and aspects of our Goddesses) and a mishmash of customs and rituals they wanted to stamp out (if they couldn't Christianize and adopt them, as they did many). It is all about stomping out the Old Religion, so that the New Religion of Christianity may rule supreme. Read "When God was a Woman" by Merlin Stone. 

Now if you truly believe in Satan, then he is certainly real, you will certainly pull that sort of energy to you. I can't say I understand why you would want to, but it's your life. But don't blame him on us Pagans. He ain't ours. Satan is an Angel – he is a part of the Christian mythos. Satanists are pagans only so far as the word Pagan is used to mean ANY religion other than Christianity. And, again, I personally think of you as just rebellious Christians out to shake up your mommy and daddy and intimidate your schoolmates.

Grow up.