Transient (On Hold)

2

Going back to school was daunting. It was already two months into the school year, which meant her arrival would draw more attention than necessary. Her parents insisted that going back to school was a good thing, and that not knowing anyone was part of the road to recovery, but Autumn disagreed. It wasn't meeting new people that scared her, it was school.

The notion of school itself brought forth a tidal wave of emotions that she had pushed to the back of her mind. It had taken her four months of mental training to reach a point where she could live without crumbling under the weight of everything that happened, and in a matter of a week, it had all been undone. 

Her alarm went of at 6:30 as usual, but she hadn't even slept a wink.

Her new bedroom was slightly bigger than her old one, and had that fresh paint smell about it. That alone had been enough to give her headache, and being in an unfamiliar place had made her feel uncomfortable and anxious. 

Usually, she would have silenced her alarm and started her day by now, but today she lay stock still in bed, her eyes widening and her heart pounding. The insistent ringing by her left ear sounded like a fire alarm. 

She didn't realise someone was in her room until she heard the soft calling of her name. 

"Autumn." The tone of voice her mum used was gentle, as though she was scared of frightening her. 

Her eyes swivelled over to the woman who stood tentatively in the doorway of her bedroom, slightly concealed behind the door with one hand wrapped around the edge. When she saw that her daughter was up she stepped into the room carefully. 

Next to her, her alarm was still screaming, now in one continuous high wail, but she was still frozen in place. She imagined this was what a waking nightmare was. 

Her mum came forwards and ended the wailing of her alarm clock with a push of a button before sinking to her knees by her bed. She gazed at her daughter for a few minutes, concern swimming in her eyes. Autumn stared at the ceiling, trying to regulate her erratic breathing. She felt sick. Her headache had worsened in a matter of seconds, and her heart was beating so quick that she feared it would burst out of her chest. She could still hear the alarm ringing in her ears. 

Warning! It screamed. Beware!

"Honey..." Her mum's voice was barely above a whisper, and slowly but surely, she tore her gaze away from the swirling patterns on her ceiling to her mother next to her. "Honey, if you aren't ready, tell me." A whisper, full of the sound of heartbreak, she thought. After a minute of calming down her breathing, she fixed a small smile onto her lips. She hoped it looked convincing enough. 

"I'm fine." Those words were enough for the woman before her, who immediately broke into a smile. She enveloped her daughter into a hug and rubbed her back in soothing circles. Autumn's heartbeat began to slow down. They stayed like that for another five minutes. She loved the way her mum smelt; like a summer's evening, relaxing and warm.  

"Mum?" Her voice was timid and shaky, but her mum heard her all the same. She hummed into her shoulder in answer, telling her to continue. "Can I have a paracetamol? The smell of paint gave me a headache." 

Her mum moved back and held her daughter at arms length, searching her face quietly as if for any sign of breakage. Another smile illuminated her features.

"Of course. I want you up and getting dressed by the time I come back." She said. she pulled her in for one last hug before departing from her room, leaving her daughter wishing she could stay in her mums warm embrace for a little longer. 

It took some time, but she was eventually able to pull herself out of her bed and stumble to the bathroom across the hallway. a glance in the mirror made her feel like she hadn't slept in years. 

here pale blue eyes were rimmed red and bloodshot, and huge purple shadows resided beneath. Her hair was the messiest she had ever seen it from a night of restlessness, and the colour from her face seemed to have vanished, leaving her skin looking translucent and paper thin. 

With a sigh, she took her hair tie from her wrist and secured her hair in a mess atop her head. She would get round to that later. 

She took her time brushing her teeth. The mint of her toothpaste was overwhelming, and the thick bubbles threatened to gag her. She rinsed her mouth out for fear of throwing up and moved on to washing her face. The water seemed to bring some colour back into her cheeks. 

Downstairs, once she had wrestled a brush through her tangled locks and tackled them into a presentable manner and got dressed, and once she had calmed down, she took her usual seat at the table, where a glass of water and two tablets were waiting for her. She took the medicine gratefully, only hoping that it would subdue her headache before she had to face her reality in the face. 

Jamal entered the kitchen then, a huge smile plastered onto his face. He picked up his car keys from a bowl on the worktop and turned to his stepdaughter.

"You ready to go?"

Autumns eyes widened and her eyes searched frantically for the kitchen clock. It hung above the door, it's hands arranged in a crooked frown. 

Where had the time gone? 

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Song at the top: Hands like Houses - Developments