I had a dream last nightA joyous dream
Of a child dancing through cherry blossoms
Her look was so keen
And she seemed to beam at me
A face that knew no sadness
A place where light was all around
That is where the child could be found
I swear every time I looked into her eyes it seemed that the sun itself streamed through
It radiated warmth and made my heart flutter
As I observed her, in my own childlike wonder
She seemed to shine
Her sweet face would look to mine
I began to chase her through the trees
Her laugh would float high above air
But I found soon
She was no longer there
I searched high and low
Where did she go?
I walked tightly along the edge of the path
Begging to hear her little laugh
My heart began to explode
I could no longer resist
The pain and sorrow I felt
I wished the girl to exist
She came so swiftly
A surprise
That once
Gave me unease
But as I began to believe
I realized it was worthwhile
But now she was gone
How quickly she came
I hung my head in shame
1 in 4, I fell through the floor
My mind filling with cracks of worry
Had I done this?
How could I do this?
Was there nothing I could do?
I felt as though I was drowning in a liquid
So thick and sticky
I couldn't move
I couldn't breathe
Pepto-Bismal pink
Not easy to swallow
I cried, I screamed, I wallowed
To long for the little girl that once had been there
Her smile, her laugh, the softness of her hair
So tangible it seemed
I had been deceived
Painkillers only helped my body
As the pain was in my mind
Curt nods and sympathetic faces
I felt hopeless and pathetic
They say you do not walk alone
But that's not how I felt as I laid at home
No one was there
I was sinking through the floor
I saw her, she was here
The fear enveloped me
Oh god, I couldn't breathe
A future, a dream
Shattered like glass
The whole world seemed to be on blast
I covered my ears
No voices to hear
I shook my head so hard I could hear a ringing through my fears
The room seemed to circle above me
Round
And
Around
I closed my eyes
Tried not to cry
As I drifted into a sleep that was more of a reprieve
Without the girl I felt desperate indeed
But I felt my body become less of my own
Numb and cold and alone
I felt my heart turn to stone
My eyes fluttered like the wings of butterflies
And when I woke up from this dream
I still felt the sting
The hollowness would always be there
As I saw the faces of children everywhere
I couldn't help but stare
To look into their eyes to find the child that had once been there
And the hollowness of my womb would forever leave a tomb in my heart
And a longing not to be apart
They say that healing takes time
My body needed a few weeks, but that's nothing compared to my mind
Forever will I cherish the moments we had
And the balloon that seemed to float me through the air
For me, that child will always be there
-1in4
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The Implications of being a DramaQueen
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