Loving You Painfully - Michaeng (Completed)

Chapter 11- Change and Realization

*Note: You're going to hate me after this chapter, that's okay. But please don't hate Mina as well. From this point forward, it's going to be a bit angsty. Bumpy roads alert. Enjoy!

Music suggestion: Only Longing Grows - Mamamoo's Solar

It's been 2 years since we were debut. I am so proud that out of any JYPE groups we received so much love. We are the first group in JYPE that could break senior g.o.d records on winning music shows. We are reaching 60 awards now within 2 years. Still, can't believe but it's true. We did a tour to Asia's countries, performed in the U.S, France, etc. But again, we're still 2 years old group, we need to try harder to keep our existence now.

After 2 years as well, JYPE decided to expand the business in Japan. It's natural. It also happened to our seniors. More over we have members from Japan, it's easier to promote with them. Jihyo Unnie always said to us that she always wanted to visit Japan and Taiwan or China where our foreign members are comfortable using their own languages. Japanese and Korean market are kind of same. We are now busy with our activities in Japan. I feel thankful that our fans are always patient with us to come back. When we have surprise comeback past October, they really really welcomed us again. Moments like that always gave me chills. How fans truly love us as a whole.I kept counting at how many years I'll live like this. 2017 truly an upside down for me. After Signal comeback, we directly did preparation for Japan album. 

I don't know why, but I feel that Mina Unnie create a distance between us. Not just a distance. It's distances probably, with S. Lately, she's always hanging out with Jeongyeon Unnie. Everything she did and do with Jeongyeon Unnie. Jengyeon Unnie even wanted Mina Unnie to drop formality speech between them since Mina Unnie and other Japan Line doesn't have that. I mean why change something that already happened years ago? Then, when I think about it, why am I the only one who's getting hurt out of this. In my mind, I don't know why but I really feel that Mina Unnie now avoiding me. Am I disturb her? Am I make her feel uncomfortable? Am I act too far? As fa as I can remember, what I did to her just normal. Everything's normal because all of my members did the same one to another. 

Is it because I wrote that song? Eyes eyes eyes? I don't exactly remember why I wrote that tho. I like to write what's on my mind until Jihyo Unnie found that. I never intended to create that for a song. Our group's song. And yes, the song was what I really felt. My feeling was there. Is it obvious? I'm just writing it down. I don't even know what my heart truly feels. It's all new for me. Why is she avoid me then? I think she realizes how I feel towards her and she feels that it's too odd? Argh, I really can't explain this situation.

She could make me mellow all over again. Now seeing her not enough for me. I was happy to be with her in 5 secs. But I want more. Nowadays 5 second is also hard to accomplish. I can hardly cry over things. Sometimes I found myself cried when I hear songs, or watching movies. This is too emotional for me. I hate that I lose on something, that myself even don't know what it is. I always run into my journal and my drawing book when things happened. They are my best companion since I can't tell everyone about my feeling.

I can't believe that this year passed so easily. We were so busy until I don't even realize that it's Christmas again already. 2017 will pass, 2018 will come and greet. This time also would be the first Christmas without my family. This Christmas, we are now celebrating it in Japan, we will be staying up until New Year. Our schedule is so tight for year end event. Our family is so understanding about my situation, as soon as I'm back from Japan I will go home. This is what Mina Unnie really feels tho. Being far without your family when celebrating Christmas. I kind of understand. Mina Unnie, again her name can't stop surrounding around my heart and head. Even she's now act so cold towards me.