Brothers ||Markson||

24.

Mark's POV

Have you ever felt that you don't care about anything anymore but you know that deep down those words/actions hurted you ?

Have you ever felt alone ?

Sometimes I wish I don't have feelings.  Emotions . Sometimes I wish I was a robot.

Why do I feel like this ?
How do I stop this ?
How ?

Crying is being weak
I can't cry
I won't cry

I want to scream
To break things
I don't want to feel anything

What is being alive ?
Breathing makes you alive?
I breath
But
I don't feel alive

I can't talk about this with anyone
I don't think they will ever truly understand

I want to not care
I want to be selfish

I have to stop caring about the people around me
And if I don't
They will
And if they do
I'll get hurt
I'll be selfish

Being evil is better than being depressed
Being cold with everyone is better than dying

Have you ever felt that every day feels like a new cut on the wrist ?

As the days go by , there will be more emotional cuts on the wrists . And those days/cuts are going to kill you
And you can't do anything about it
You just have to wait
And when the wait is over......

You'll be dead

Maybe not  physically

But  emotionally

I'm not Mark anymore

I'm something so much worse

My horns are better than the blood coming out of my wrists

My heart is aching
Begging for all of this to end
But it won't end

I'm running and screaming but it's not helping

I don't even know myself anymore
So how can you say you know me ?

Not eating feels like a punishment that I deserve

I deserve that punishment for being so weak
So me

No one truly cares

I should stop caring

I think I think too much

I used to feel broken sometimes but now I feel it everyday

The tears are burning my cheeks and that's another punishment that I deserve

Why can't I stop caring about you when you want me to stop? 

I care more about you than I care about myself

I NEED TO STOP

HOW ?

I may be breathing right now but I don't feel alive

I'm a burden

I'm hopeless

Why am I even trying

And the weird thing is that I don't want to die

I want this punishment

And when this punishment is over...... only then I can die

I will be selfish

I will be cold

I will be evil

I won't open up to anyone anymore

I have to go through this alone 

Everyone is alone anyways

...............