I Am Ruined (TDA Lord of Shadows Sequel)

[ XXIX ] The Beginning of the End

The last chapter was super heavy on plans and history sooo here is a more fun (but also kinda sad?) Jemma chapter paired with it ❤️

Everyone was gone, split off to prepare. Prepare for this mission that could very easily prove to be their last. They had so many people behind them, but every part of this plan had to be perfect in order for it to work. If any of them messed up, that would be the end of it. Not only would they let down their family and friends, but they'd be letting down the entire race of Nephilim and humans alike. Without the ability of angelic runes, demons would be free to roam the human world with no one to stop them. The fear that had entrapped her before was coming back in an unceasing tide – she hated it. It was like her fear of the ocean, a terrifying and debilitating thing. But it wasn't for herself, it was for her friends – her family. She couldn't bear to lose anyone else, she wondered if Kit or Jace could see Livvy's ghost. Only maybe it was better if they couldn't, they could only see ghosts that weren't at rest. After everything, Livvy at least deserved to move on peacefully with nothing tying her to this world. Emma was in her room, pulling on her gear when she heard the door shut behind her. She turned to see Julian leaning against it, he was already dressed in his gear, the dark leather making his eyes look brighter, like the sea under the afternoon sun.

"Julian, do you think we have a shot at this?" She asked, cursing herself for the waver in her voice.

His arms were crossed, but his gaze was soft as he watched her, "If anyone does, it is us. We have Jace and Clary to help us too, they've saved the world once. I wouldn't trust anyone to do it better than us."

She made a sound that sounded like a choked laugh, "Why is the Clave even a thing if us kids are the ones who keep saving the world? Useless."

He laughed and pushed himself off the door, coming to stand just in front of her. He stood at least half a foot taller still and Emma had to look up at him when he stood this close, "Not everyone can be as amazing as you, Em." One of his hands came up to cup her face, brushing the loose hair from her braid behind her ear. "I love you."

The amount of sincerity and love in his voice startled her, "Why are you doing that?"

"Doing what?" His gaze was dreamlike as he stroked his thumb along her cheek.

Her voice was low, "Talking like this is a final confession. Like this is the last time you'll get to say something like this."

"Because we are Shadowhunters. Soldiers die in battle, we know that better than anyone. I'm not going to act like I'm not afraid, but I'm also not going to pretend I don't need to say this. I need you to know, Emma. It has always been you, even since we were kids. And no matter what happens, I will forever be grateful to the Angel that whatever time I had in this life, I got to spend with you Emma Carstairs." Tears started to build in her eyes are he spoke.

"Why- why do you sound like you know you're not coming back." He brushed away a tear that had escaped and left a track down her cheek.

"I am- Emma, I am coming back. I will always come back to you." His voice was rough as he leaned his forehead against hers.

"Promise me. Promise me you are coming back, Jules." She shut her eyes tightly against the pressure building in them.

His voice was barely more than a whisper, "I promise. I am coming back with you."

Without another word, she gripped his hair and pressed her lips harshly against his. She kissed him against the tears in his eyes, her mouth opening under his. She thought kissing him would make the fear go away, but his lips on hers brought on a new wave of tears. She hated it. Desperate to make them stop, she pushed him against the door and kissed him more passionately.