Dear Journal

Excellent Journal

February 14

I must have ran for a long time. By the time I got back, the sun was setting and the police cars were gone. 

All that was left was Don, sitting in front of my house. 

"What the hell was that? Why'd you run?" He asked, suddenly standing, as if he was ready to catch me if I tried to again.

"Why are you here Don?" I yelled back. My arms wrapped around my body in defense.

Don shook his head. "My name isn't Don."

"What?" 

"I said it's not Don. It never was."

"I don't really care what your name is. Why were you-"

"It's Michael."

He stared into my eyes, and I made the connection. Michael was the kid I always wrote about when I blacked out. He was the small child, screaming from pain. 

I collapsed onto the sidewalk. "I'm so confused." I grabbed onto my head, I was so worried it would fall off. A beat pounded in my head, the same way it did when "Meggie" decided to show up.

"Let's go inside, it's so long of a story. I doubt I even know it all." He wrapped his arm around me and walked me to the door.

As we sat on the couch, I could feel him beside me, desperately trying to think of explaining this mess to me.

"Okay, so we'll start with the big part. God, this is so weird." His hands wrestled each other as he spoke.

"I'm your brother, Meggie. I know you don't remember, heck I barely remember, but try to."

I thought back as far as I could, but once again, the only memory I had was me on the swing, falling off, getting hurt. At five.

"I can't remember anything." 

He sighed. "You don't remember that night?"

I figured he was talking about the night "Meggie" always wrote about. Half of me didn't want to hear about that night. 

"No."

"All I did was answer the phone. That's all I did."

"What?"

"There was a woman on the other line. 'Kevin? Is this some kind of role play? You acting like a kid? That could be hot.' She said. I didn't know then, but he was cheating on his wife- your mom-our mom."

"Then he grabbed the phone off me and-"  He paused. 

And what?

"I just, didn't even understand! I was five!" 

We sat on the couch, staring at nothing in particular until a thought came to me.

"Why didn't you live with us? Mom and I, after Kevin went to jail?"

"Your- I mean, our mom thought it would be best if I lived with our grandparents, and then you started having panic attacks and blackouts, she though if you forgot everything, there would be nothing left to worry about."

"Until they came back again." 

He shrugged. 

"How could she just disown her own son like that?" I asked.

"Our parents aren't the best people, let's just say that."