My Hidden Drug (A Ronnie Radke love story)

Chapter 2: Between Love and Hate

When I was younger, at these nights I would cuddle up in craigs arms and he would sing or hum me to sleep. I was older now, and way to big to cuddle up into craigs arms, so I coped the only way I knew how to, listening to my list of screamo music and lying on the bed, mute to the world. Usually, I would just lie there until I fell asleep around midnight, but it was 3:25 in the morning, and still sleep didn't come. Craig was outside coping his way, singing loud and annoying.

Normally I would be begging him to stop, but on these days I let him slide. I had got up to get warm milk to see if that would help me sleep, but it did nothing, so I turned the TV onto the Big Bang Therory. "You still up?" I turned to see craig walking in through our hotel room door. "Can't sleep" I muttered. Craig sat on the bed next to me and wrapped his arms around me, and I don't know, I guess the comfort of his embrace just let all my emotions out, and I started sobbing on his shoulder.

"Shh, hey hey its okay" Craig started saying stroaking my hair. I'm sorry" I sob "I-I-I just m-m-miss them s-so much!" I start to sob harder. Craig sat with me for an hour, stroaking my hair and rocking left and right, until he started to hum a beat. I quieted a little to hear it, and soon he started singing words. (Play song when reading lyrics)

"So now your runnning,

Its hard to see clearly,

When I make you angry

You're stuck in the past

And now your screaming

So can you forgive me?

Iv'e treated you badly.

But Im still here

Sometimes I wonder

Why im still waiting

Sometimes im shaking

Thats how you make me.

Sometimes i question

why im still here

Sometimes i think im going crazy

Can you help me out next time?

And now you wish that you meant something

And now you wish that you meant something

to somebody else.

And now you wish met someone

And now you wish that you meant something

to somebody else.

Something to somebody else

Something to somebody else"

I had woken up in craigs arms, who was till fast asleep, and didn't even relize I had fallen asleep. I shook my head to get back to reality. Craig was starting the second verse, and out of habit, I stood up and started dancing. Oh hell yes was this sound good! I looked back at the guys to see craig doing his litttle stage dance, max headbanging so much I was hoping his head would fall off, rob lost in a mass of hair, and bryan well just being brian.

Once they were done, I stood up clapped screamed like a normal fan girl "OMG" I yelled "ITS SO TOTALLY AMAZING OH GOD CRAIG, MAX, BRYAN YOUR SOO HOTT! ROB......well your just rob" Rob gripped his heart and pouted "Hey I'm hot and hansome too you know!" He yelled. Craig laughed and pointed to bryan and max who started to play the next song "this war is ours." I got down from my post and went to the bus.

Still dissapointed from the events that happened earlier, I walked into the bathroom to do the other thing that calms me down. Now don't freak out, I don't cut myself or any creepy crap like that. Nope, my release was dying my hair crazy colors. I looked at all the dyes I had, Ragging red, sunshine yellow, neon white, party pink, crazy green, puke purple, and ah yes outcast blue. I get the dyes set up and away I go. An hour later, the smell of dye fills the bus. I take in a deep breath and finally relax.

Turning on the TV I start to watch old family guy reruns, when bryan walks in. First he sniffs the air and looks confused, then he looks at me. "HOLY FUCK!" he yells and falls out the door. I fall to the ground laughing and holding my gut. "Don't freaking scare me like that paige!" He yells "You know I hate surprises" I shrug and flip my hair "I think I need a cut" I say and go back into the bathroom. "Craig isn't going to like you cutting your own hair!" bryan says.

"Yes but craig also doesn't like me cussing" I say smirking, and clip away. After about an hour of hair styling, I finally look like every rocker chick in america. I hear craig come in and my heart stops, A few whispers pass and I hear footsteps coming to the door. "Paige" I hear craig say. "um I'm busy!" I yell "Girl stuff" He doesnt move. "Come out paige" I open the door and step out. Craig stares at me then laughs until he falls to the ground.

"My sister" he says between laughs " A regular hair stylist!" I punch his shoulder "jerk" i say and jump ontop of him.

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I walked out of the bus, fed up with the boys and their....weirdness. I had about fifty dollars, and was going to check out the store. "Okay so go straight and turn right, then left, then another right, then loop around the circle, then a right, then left and then I'm there" I say looking at the directions I had wrote on my hands. "How is anyone suppose to fucking understand this?" I mumble under my breath. I started to walk, and by the time I had gotten to the loop, almost an hour had passed.

I sighed and looked around at the cafe that was by me. My stomach started to growl. I hadn't relized how hungry I was until I had seen the food. "Someone sounds hungry" I hear a voice say. I turn around to see the devil himself ronnie. "What do you want dirtbag?" I say crossing my arms. "Hey your the mouthy girl that was with the band, whay are you hanging with mabbitt the faggot?" I flipped him off. "For your information" I say angrily "Craig is my older brother"

I start to walk off, when I feel his hand grab my shoulder. "Hey" He says "I'm sorry, I didn't know, look why don't I make it up to you by paying for lunch?" I glare at him and start to walk off. "Please" he says. He gets down on his knees and begs "Please, please, pleeeaassseee!!!!" He says. I smile a little "Fine just one lunch" I say and sit down. He sits in the oppisit chair and our waitress comes "Hi there my names tammy I'll........" she stops and stares at ronnie.

"Omigawd! your ronnie radke! I'm like your biggest fan!" She says. He winks at her and I roll my eyes. "So what can I get for you guys?" she asks "I'll have the BLT and a coke doll" Says ronnie. "Just a mountin dew" I say "i wont be here long" I glare at ronnie, and he pretends to be heart. I roll my eyes, this was going to be a long day.